Not that I want it to be

My tears are always frozen
I can see the air I breathe
Got my fingers painting pictures
On the glass in front of me
Lay me by the frozen river
Where the boats have passed me by
All I need is to remember
How it was to feel alive - Aurora

Honestly, the more I think about something, the more unsure I get. And so it concludes, I shouldn't think too much. Worrying too much for the future doesn't help.

But its hard.

Thoughts are ever-flowing. Its not like I can be completely in control. Awakening and then sleeping back. The repetition.

I get weary. And at times stony. Its 'funny' when I have those monotonous, tedious days.

Fear that stops me from going on. Hence, the lack of ideas; artist's block.

I can think to the point that I stopped thinking.


Do you ever feel that way too?

1 A.M. and help

"Oh, what can I do?
Nothing, my sparrow blue
Oh, what can I do?
Life is beautiful but you don't have a clue
Sun and ocean blue
Their magnificence, it don't make sense to you" -  Lana's "black beauty"

When you really think about it, the MAJOR thing that causes you to be upset are those endless thoughts running behind your head. 

Whatever you are thinking,  you are 99% right.  "What can I do? How can I help myself from feeling shitty?" Really, stop thinking. Meditate. Well,  research on what meditation is. It comes in slightly different forms.

Yes yes... you may say I don't understand. But look at where I've come. From being laughed and gossiped at when I was younger, getting disliked just because what...I seemed very quiet and show weird expressions...,  from having difficulty expressing myself, from feeling a million of feelings that were hard to overcome at that time...overthinking and losing hope etc etc. I am proud of myself now; I can sincerely say that. Its because of these difficult situations that made me stronger as a person. We all have it rough. But then again, there are people who had it worse. But they still managed to get out of it. You can too. That is, if you let those negative bars placed inside your mind set free. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Not in a complacent way of course.

Take a nap. Sleep well. Eat healthy. Love your body. What you eat is what makes you.  You are putting nutrients inside your body for functional purposes. To carry on till death naturally sets you away from this life.

Good day y'all.

Don't worry, be joyful

Hey souls!

If you are worrying now,
Think about all obstacles you have gone through. How far you have come. How "this too shall pass".  Sometimes you just need to slow down a bit. De-clutter. Appreciate your body. Despite all the pressure going on around, you know you are trying. Therefore, do not let other feelings' ruin your inner peace. They are them, you are you. There's no point fretting over things unless you attempt to find a solution and act on it. You already have enough things on your plate. The plans.  Go work on them step by step after taking the short break. Put doubts aside and just do what you have to do each day. Don't give yourself EXTRA burden, okay? How can a body carry such a hell lot of workload, my days... PLEASE take care of your health too. It comes first.

If you are feeling exceptionally down for whatever reason, 
You do know that your smile and laughter are valuable/ precious right? I want to see them again.  I really do.  Why? Because I like seeing people smile genuinely, not caring about anything, putting insecurities aside. Call me selfish or stubborn, I choose to not let words get the hang out of me anymore. If you have to be tired of anything: its the words and actions from certain others that tear you down. What's the best comeback then? Have faith in yourself, love you for you. Accept that you make mistakes. Yes. But most importantly, pick yourself up once again and be a better,  stronger version of yourself.  Like a kid,  you are allowed to be genuinely happy and carefree. Why don't you give yourself your own permission to do so right now? You are allowed to feel sad,  but please get your feet back up,  with head held high and say "aha! I beat that." You are not weak. In fact,  you are beyond infinite. A possibility.

Have a good Sunday everyone!

Bah bah bah!
The battle goes on...

Sta