Honestly, this is also what I will tell my younger self. I know I am still erm... a youth but you get what I meant!
You are growing up. This journey can be tough. It can be long and mentally-draining. But you will get there. You will start figuring out who you are, start differentiating what is good and bad for you. You might hit rock bottom at some points, but that's okay because at the end of the day, you realized how strong you are to have overcome obstacles.
You will get a clearer view on how this world actually functions. Meet new faces, interact and then lose some friends, childhood friends. Parts and parcel of living.
Right now, I just want to share. I have this strong urge to write about my life as Calista F Mar. Things I experienced and felt along my Primary (7-12 y/o) and Secondary (13-16 y/o) journey. I am sure some of y'all will share something similar as me. Some might have it better, some might have it worse.
Personal Affairs
Choose your subject combination wisely. I don't know what your friends or parents or teachers tell you, but you are the one deciding for your future.
For my case, I chose what I feel passionate about. Subjects like Elective Literature and Art. Don't get me wrong, choosing those subjects never made my life easier. In fact, I have to spend more time on Art because of its loooong exams and preparations. But I never regretted my choice. I was ready under all circumstances. I remembered the day before submitting my subject combination, was nervous as hell. Months past, I felt more determined for Art than ever. After having conflicts with my teacher (I know she was concerned). after fighting my own inner-doubts, after crying over it during class. I think that is what passion is like? Sweat. Tears. Determination.
I honestly did have my bottom lows when it comes to upper secondary school life. Maybe twice as many as that of when I was younger. There was a point I nearly went to seek counselling myself but didn't. Funny thing, I actually called their hotline and talked to them. But didn't head down to the place they directed... I wanted to derive at a solution myself. A solution that will overcome my own obstacles.
There was a point I felt really deflated, depressed about everything. I thought I wasn't doing up to par. With me being a human, with me associating with all others. I was falling. Days like these were a complete daze. I felt the need to reconnect with myself. I was stuck. But I never wrote it online. I thought I will only express it when I am officially out of secondary school. Which I am right now.
Things mentioned above... I know I am not the only one, many of my schoolmates I saw, and heard....might also be coming to a phase whereby breakdowns can be quite frequent. We have more moody days. Hormonal changes? Maybe. Getting pressured from external influences? Entering adulthood? Maybe.
Earth is round, so are our daily routines, which is a cycle.
Yeah sure. I am bewildered by this realization. Emotions are energy in motion. Happiness, sadness, love, hate... they come and go, come and go. Just like how we breathe - exhale, inhale.
The ever-flowing thoughts we have or have had. Sometimes we remember them, but other times? We forget them. Only to recall them later. And so forth.
I think thinking itself is really tiring (that is, if we do it excessively). We tend to build up those little concepts in our head. Running wild internally. I would rather take a nap than to build up irrelevant and "harmful" thoughts in my head.
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