Revolution of Calis; slight glimpse of childhood

I told my self I have to update...
I really have to.
Though little time I have.

But I'm still here anyways.

Couple of minutes ago, I was browsing through some really old (from years back) photos of myself, people around me and the memories we shared. And viola! I stumbled upon the "kiddier" version of myself, looking all childish (because duh I'm still young), playful and derpy. And I see changes done to my hair style... totally not talking about going all color crazy nor whatsoever. It's just well, I cut it differently during each visit to the salon.

Old me thinks life in a different way as compared to now.
Old me is really immature. She assumes a lot (not that she fully overcome it now).
She is a little miss temper...
little miss negative and chatterbox at home.
Or maybe spoilt according to some.

I hated school. I hated choir. I blamed every circumstances and bring up different reasons of whys and whats. Not until I realized the values of each specific thing.

But anyways...

"I like those days when my parents fetch me from school, but I don't seem to appreciate it earlier.
I like those days when time was slower.
I like those days when I don't actually give a damn about how I look like, or showcase myself as.
Childhood days, for me...were pleasant."

Days when I thought bangs/short fringes were nice. Like it was kinda trending?  Yeap I believe the first picture was taken during my eleventh/twelve birthday?? I was always the middle person during those days. Like whenever there were arguments/conflicts between certain people, I get caught in between. And many a time, I have no idea whom to side. Really. It's not a nice feeling to side anyone in particular, especially if you count both as your friends. I feel damn guilty afterwards. Getting into people's drama isn't pretty from the start. So here I am...apologizing to everyone I feel guilty about. > ~ < "Sorry, sorry!" Though I know some might have already gotten over it. And that just words itself are not really effective.  I too, might have rebelled some tutors so hm million apologies...

I would probably be more onto the quieter, shy side in school. But extremely playful, loud and sometimes egoistic at home. Yes, atmospheric conditions. Different sides for different places. That's me. And I kind of had been a victim of gossip before, during younger days? Hahaha people saying "don't befriend her" or "she's/weird/damn quiet" already gave me that feeling of hurt. Or those death-stares, make-fun laughter etc. Yeah I admit I was more onto the anti-social side during Primary school days. Therefore, I can somehow relate for people who face(d) bigger problems like bullying and feeling unworthy. No, don't let negativity get the hand of it.  The situation has seized down, therefore it's the al-right now! I mean, I forgive, and learn to look people at their bright side. Not a one day miracle. But an overtime healing. Aside from me learning new values each day, I believe people are also growing. ;) Mean comments that bring one down should be totally ignored because really, the comment-maker is the one that has a big issue over here. Like his/her insecurities, doubts and self-thorn is there to slowly swallow him/her up. So try to live happy! Because there are also another group of people that cares a hell lot for you out there, just that there are times we feel oblivious to them. 
Actually, I'm still trying to not get those negative remarks get to hand out of me. I don't want them to define who I am (which worsens me). I get drawn away by hurtful emotions too. I mean, we are humans after all. We won't completely stay scot-free from those feelings of lacking something.



Throughout the years, I'm so thankful to gain more wisdom from some generous adults and teachers. Without them, I would not become an upgraded version of myself. However, I STILL HAVE MANY MANY MANY MORE TO UNDERSTAND AND LEARN ABOUT> If you're an old man/lady reading this (haha hahaha what? if there is, you are really up to date!!), you would agree this on a mini junior about the sentence, right sire/madam? There are more skills to acquire, more to reflect and think about.  More knowledge to pick up, more people to hear out from, more amendments to keep making... totally plural. Sometimes, I too wonder what I would be thinking in next ten years down the road, will I still share the same values/beliefs or accept more logic? Should be the latter, while not.

The slight greedy side of me looks to the future (though I know it isn't good to think too much and all..). But the kind of thinking, I can't help it from flowing into my brain either.  This post might be labelled as somewhat "a penny for my thoughts" kinda thing too. I really want to know how actual adults think... because I am in one of my confused years (according to them) aka teenage years. I want to grow up, still. Surprisingly, I'm not one that entirely misses childhood days although yes, kids do not need to worry much nor live up to more and more "demands". I just...don't yearn for that.

Ps. about the part I said "I hated...." I see the fun in things I took finally. After all, I've been in choir for approximately seven years. I don't find it boring or being a burden anymore. In fact, I learned more techniques on how to control my vocals, pull longer notes, just simply having fun etc. And school? There are caring teachers. Weird and remarkable friends and people to interact with.

If I wrote in a moderately fast pace, please let me say I have a dozen of words running through my mind right now.

Okay?

So...I would love to end off here and proceed on with a little bit of revision (big procrastinator recently).

See ya'll real soon! Fighting for a week more....

Weehee my 'happiness post series' are coming on the way. Will inform the details later!!

CP