T&O: Balance

Hey y'all, what comes into your mind when you think of the word "balance"?

Personally, I think of a number of things. In fact, I think of possibly everything.

The strive to achieve equilibrium; it starts from a thing as simple as checking your own food intake - whether you have taken in too much or too little glucose (sugar) and sodium into your body. Be it taking prescribed drugs, or drinking liquor, the last thing you want is to overdose yourself. Water and fire can also be a foe when they are in excess. Yes, all (or most) things require conditioning.

Despite all these precautions, ONE thing is for sure: IT IS HARD TO FIND THE BALANCE.

We all struggle to find it at times. We never find it, we compromise and barely try to narrow a bunch of listings down.   (Now shush Fey, don't get brutal and hurt others)

.

Balance can be associated with other subsistence like numbers and symbols. Remember the ever-so-famous Algebraic Manipulation? There is a standard way to find the 'x'. Firstly, you correct your own thinking. That is, by equipping yourself with relevant formulas (and how they are formed). Then take baby steps in matching the left side of the equation to the right, before deriving at the answer. 

How about cognitive processes Calista? Hmm... good question. Let me talk a bit about the effectiveness of using complex thinking. First off, when facing a mind-boggling problem, try finding the root cause of it. If it is bothering you too much, come up with ways to tackle it, worrying and over-exerting pressure will only torment you further. 

But how? Okay buddy, relax. I am not going to give any immediate solution(s) and what-nots (that would be utterly useless). Not oblige to do that anyways. This very post, the one you are reading with your own keen eyes, is going to be undoubtedly suggestive. 

Try uncovering the factors that contribute to the problem first. After all, these little parts create the whole picture. Join them together if they are related. This can be as simple as asking yourself why you feel in a certain way.



Fictional scenario 1 (with mildly fictional characters and place)

Sta-bot: F@%^!$%@! Argh... dammit I'm pissed.

Sta-wiz (comforter):  Why are you infuriated, my dear?

Sta-bot: Idk, I just... I don't like coming to this place at this time. Regrets!

Sta-wiz (comforter): But honey what can you do about it? /talks all-round like a mama/

Sta-bot: Sheesh, you are not helping any further. Why did I even follow your here!!

*Now, at this point of time, the opposite party can lit up and spark a fire, aka argument. But no.*

*continues*

Sta-wiz (comforter): Oh no no Sta... You just don't go about pointing fingers at another living being.

Sta-bot: *After a dramatic episode and much simmering down* I'm sorry.

Sta-wiz: Don't worry child. You're forgiven. Now that you've chilled, let me ask you a question: Think about your sudden outburst, I see you don't like coming to 'Town A' at 12 P.M., on a Saturday. It's just back then, I know. But why is that so?

Sta-bot: That's correct wiz. Well back then I was overwhelmed by the heat and excruciating humid weather. You can see me sweating non-stop. Moreover, there's this bunch of people strolling around me. It seems like everywhere I go, people are following. Transportation wise, we are all packed like sardines and there is no room space for us to breathe freely. I am conscious of myself.

Sta-wiz: Well, there you go.
___________________________

What's written above is a scenario that shows the underlying answer to the big 'WHY'. In some ways it is similar to the '5-Why Analysis' (except Sta hasn't ask herself 4 more questions HAH)!

To a person who adores Pepe. Kiwiwi, this is for you. Totally relevant but irrelevant, I know. [Source]

Question of the day for all my readers: How do you find your own balance?

The movie: Inside Out

"They said "stay nice, stay innocent" when you were younger. 
But for how long?
If time was that definite, what is there to worry about?
About its limitations, and not making the best out of it?
I doubt so."

We are getting older each day. It might not be visible at this exact moment, but we are.

About a month ago, I watched Inside Out and enjoyed it. It holds great values about growing up and all. I don't need to further elaborate, do I? Some of y'all might have watched it, got emotional and even moved to tears. For those who haven't, don't worry I ain't gonna 'spoil' y'all.

Picture source: here 

Basically, I like how each emotion is portrayed in a both good and bad way. Its like how glory and gore goes hand in hand (well thanks Lorde...). Characters like Sadness and the main girl in the movie are pretty well-rounded, in my opinion. The animation? Well, I would credit how real life characteristics from people were well explored. Pixar almost always amaze me. Overall take in from Inside Out would be: to accept that growing up and getting exposed to changes is all part of everyone's lives. It is okay to breakdown at times, it doesn't mean one's weak. It is also okay to have mixed feelings.

I mean come on...look at this image below as an example...

I saw it online and liked the concept. Source already stated gahahaha! But actually, that table reminds me of a Punnett Square I learned during Biology lessons in school. Except that it is not entirely a square but a rectangle. And it is not genetically linked. *Laughing at self*


Hmm...how about when you are meditating?

My guess: emotions might be quite translucent. Transparent even if you are really achieving enlightenment.

Just another short post.
Enjoy your week!

Perception of beauty

Recently, there has been this "challenge" going on online. The "don't judge" challenge: hashtags everywhere. This challenge was brought to us by a beauty blogger with a good purpose (initially). The main objective of this challenge? To uncover the beauty underneath our makeup or anything we apply on our faces. To not feel ashamed with ourselves. After it has gone viral, many others started doing it as well. Some tried to be FUNNY. They tried turning their video the other way round... As a result, tweaking the whole intention of the challenge. This created a controversy. Don't worry, I am not going into details on how I feel about this whole "don't judge" thing. Instead, it makes me reflect more on what "beauty" is as a whole

Maybe the first thing we noticed about a person is his/her appearance. That is fine. Harsh truth accepted. But seriously... is there a definite "oh-what-a-absolutely-pretty-or-handsome-face"? I don't think so. What we see in others might not be seen the same by another person. Our impressions truly vary. Just like my brother and me... we tend to disagree with each other's views sometimes. He is looking from a certain perspective while I am looking from another. A person is looking at the elephant's trunk while another's looking at its tail. (Oh I got that from my current Social studies teacher). 

credits: here

image source: here

The more "exciting" thing about society's perception of beauty, to generalize, is that it is ever-changing. Look back at art paintings from a century back, the standard of beauty is 'different' from what we have in contemporary art now. Such a movement. Look at how each culture "define" what beauty is to them. Or how each era changes. Do we still want to label what "pretty face" is? Oh or will it last? No. After all, we will still get older each day. With wrinkles and white, graying hair. That's when we realize that looks are not everything. And that yes...it comes from within too.

I was thinking about what makes people define words like "beautiful", and thought about early childhood. We grew up from our surroundings and influence. Especially from the things we saw and heard. Like sponges, we absorb them in. (learned that from Michelle Phan). We often see a pattern of same human features being commercialized - V shaped face/ defined jawline, high cheekbones, pulpy lips, light/tan skin etc etc. Gradually, some of us think that those are what makes a person "go far". That those are what "good looking" is all about. Hence, try to stray away from who we are. 

But then again, what will the world be if everyone looks the same...V shaped face/ defined jawline, high cheekbones, pulpy lips,  light/tan skin etc etc.? Much harder. At least for me. At this point, I hope no one got the wrong idea. As in, I am not discouraging things like plastic surgery or cosmetics. Yes, if those things makes YOU confident in person, if those decisions truly comes from within YOU, and only you... then go ahead! Words and opinions from others should not affect you. What I was trying to imply is how you should already feel great under your own skin, and to embrace yourself. 

After all, things we see from our eyes could just be an illusion in time. Ever had this moment when a person appears just average at first. And then boom...you slowly see the beauty in his/her looks? 

I thought I would love to share the picture below:

1) Stare at the 3 colored dots on her nose for 20 seconds.

2) Look away to her right side (the white blank).

3) Do you see her in a new light? Now thank you brain.

credits: here

T&O: The multiple perspectives & feelings

Quite some time since I touch on my "T&O" topics. Gah!

For the past decade, I've tried living with different versions of me. What are you talking about now, Cal? Well,  I just feel the need to rephrase how I often describe myself.  A person who is a made up of a lil bitsy of this and that. In school,  I am often counted as reserved, less talkative, serious yadda yadda (for those who seem to know me quite well,  you are excluded). At home,  I am a more outspoken and emotional kind of human. Yes,  BY SAYING THESE THINGS ABOVE,  NOT EVERY HUMAN BEING WILL GET WHAT I MEANT, FURTHERMORE,  HOW I FEEL. 

But thats okay.  

Life can be a complete irony. #DeepLOL

Now lets play a role-playing game here.  

I listed out some human characteristics, and portray them with possibilities of how they will think and react to situations. 

Pardon me for this sudden classification. There are no right and wrong answers,  okay? 

Take note: There are many forms of introverts and extroverts, even the in-between(s). I am just generalizing both.

• The nice person's POV:

"I'm the happiest when I make someone else happy. "

"Yes Yes thank you for telling me continuously.  Being too nice CAN BE A WEAKNESS. How many times must I hear it dearies? Will you believe me if I say I know where my limitations are? Maybe,  maybe not." 

"Its PART of me to fulfill my wish of helping someone in need.  Is there anything wrong?"

"I don't care what they say,  if I believe in It, I will still stick to my own principles."

• The quiet/ serious person's POV:

"Hey words aren't meant to be blurted out anyhow. They can cause unhappiness and tension when used inappropriately."

"I am thinking how to put words into good use. This is so much better than plainly uttering irrelevant things. "

"Nope, getting the limelight/ attention is not what I want. I am happy just the way I am. Working behind-the-scenes." 

"Honestly,  I am irritated with people that keep repeating their words unnecessarily. Eg.  Oh why are you so quiet? Like hello,  that is YOUR opinion. Perhaps I am too quiet and boring for you. But If you still don't get me, bye! "

"I want results. Not cheap talks." 

• The introvert's POV:

"Ahh,  I cherish my alone times a lot! Thats when I get to reflect about life the most. And recharge myself after a long day with humans."

"SUCH A GOOD unwinding time!"

"I JUST ENJOY LISTENING TO THE SILENCE. FEELING THAT STILL AIR AROUND ME. "

"Hmm... Books,  movies or writing?"

"Hey...did you hear the rhythm of nature?" 

"I love observing others. Analyzing and concluding things around me."

"Urgh pretty self-conscious sometimes."

"But that doesn't mean I don't want to socialize at all. I want to.  Just give me a few minutes to get ready. Re-energize."

• The extrovert's POV:

"Loves to be around people.  Loves making them smile."

"Hey but really,  who cares too much about what others think about me. FINE,  I respect their opinions. But that's all that matters."

"PARTY! THAT ANDRENALIN WITHIN IS ACTING UP."

"Let me dance to the beats. Let me sing for joy. "

"Meeting new people and making new friends is the best!" 

"Hey,  what do you think.... " Yes engaging in conversations. Enquiring around etc. 

"Lets go out to have some fun."

"When I want to cry, I cry. When I want to laugh, I laugh. That's how good I am at voicing out how I feel."

• The happy/confident  person's POV:

"Negative emotions only causes more unrest /sigh/." 

"I CHOOSE to be optimistic. Or am I naturally one? "

"I sort of love the attention I am receiving currently.  Oh well." 

"When people look at me,  I look at them back straight. Or maybe with a smile"

"Ahh let me stay out of that conflict. After all,  I don't wanna get involved in an unnecessary tension."

"OKAY CAN. "

"Sometimes ignorance is bliss." 

"HAHAHAHA WEEHEHEHEHE." *Actually laughing at my own inner jokes that nobody knows about. Turned out to be a mad person outside.* 

"-INNER PEACE- - MINDFULNESS-"

"I believe in myself."

"Humans are lovely." *Inserts cheesy lines that makes one happy anyways*

"I have the ability to stand up when I fall. I am proud of myself for picking myself up. "

/Continues thinking all possible happy thoughts out. Making no room for doubts ever./

• The sad/ negative person's POV:

"Why do they keep calling people names... this isn't the way to go. I can't help it either. Urgh... I feel helpless!"

"Hey can't we all have ____ equality?! I am so done with discrimination and prejudice happening in some parts of the world."

"I am tired. Of School...Life...Work...The routine...The people /whole chunk of unhappy thoughts and reasons generated from the brain/." Try to overcome it my dear, or seek help.

"Its not that I want to give up, its just that I have had enough, But I am also afraid at the same time. What is this mixed up feeling?"

/Shoot out almost all excuses/

/Happens to be overly dramatic./

/Eats a lot./

/Eats very less./

"Oh...my sudden outburst again... The usual hormonal changes I guess."

Girl: "Ouh...is my period coming again?"

"Do people really love/like me?"

"DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG ?" 

"What have I done?"

/self conscious/

Yadda yadda yadda

-

These are frequent emotions right? Just grouped them up for easy description. 

You know what I learned recently? (you may skip this part if you are already bored) Emotions are energy,  no,  WE are all energy in motion.  What we are feeling now will not always last, it will come and go. If we are happy, if we are sad or angry.... feelings just travel around, that's all. A specific one doesn't linger for eternity.

We all already have a home: our body, the outer shell is our home for this "energy". Enveloped under the entire universe, we are just little tiny things. Yikes, I'm having difficulty expressing at this point. But I will try. One day, hopefully, we will see that overwhelming light (brightness) that will guide us. No fear, just this very "soul". Yes, I am talking about death.

Y'all might not agree, but that's okay with me either. I wouldn't mind y'all objecting to it.

Hehehe I will stop here...to keep things short and simple.

Have a nice day everyone!


HAPPY FIRST OF JULY 2015. HALF OF THE YEAR HAD OFFICIALLY PAST! 

"Clearing business" going on

"What are you doing right now, Cal...Sta...Fey?"

Well, I am in the process of deactivating (deleting) many accounts I created or signed up for last time. They include social networks like Twitter, Ask.fm, and Tumblr... Yes it is my decision to do so and HONESTLY, measures are taken for the better, at least for me. A few reasons why:

• Tired, repetitive - Specifically Ask.fm. Initially, I can't bring myself to delete it because some people were really nice. I was told by them about how they like reading my answers, all for enjoyment and positive purposes. It was pretty tough, especially how socializing and making friends online had become a chore for most teenagers these days. I have tried deleting my ask.fm account once, but of no great use, because I went back to it afterwards. However, this is official: I will emphasize on the word, 'official' because writing on this blog means seriousness from Sta. Don't you think? Gahahaha. I realized something: my answers are on repeat!! I mean, the questions "they" asked were pretty much similar as time goes by, hence, the answers too. Its like a what-goes-around-comes-back-around thing I guess. Its getting rather tedious. I want to experience new things. I don't wanna sit there, only to go through the same routine all over again. Thanks, but no thanks.

• Continue staying true - Sometimes I cannot see a distinctive border between who is controlling what, or what is controlling who. I tend to get drawn away by social medias such as Twitter and Tumblr last time. I got addicted to it, sorta. As a result, neglecting family and things happening at home. Also, the thing I figured about them 'trendy' sites is that: they have strong influential abilities, and one gotta have a balance between reality and virtual world. In this case, I am implying about those "perfect" people that are often seen online, living extremely good lives with particular styles and personalities, often admired by many. I kept reminding myself that those were only PART OF THE TRUTH... And that everyone, at some point in their lives... do face setbacks. Moreover, I don't have to become one of them, right? I can learn good values from them, but don't necessarily need to act and dress the way they are to be socially accepted. After all, it is my life and I can live it however I want. Of course, consequences included.

• Inactive, MIA for a long time - Kekekeke! We all have accounts that were created for experimentation purposes. Be it, because of friends talking about how good they are, or just simply peer pressure. Yes, no exception for me too -- HIGH FIVE DUDES! Personally, I feel good cleaning up things I don't want anymore. It is like hmm... moving on... somehow...

• Concentrate on other things - Fret not y'all, I still have my first loves --- no, still loves Blogger, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube to interact with. Oh, and also the pretty newly converted 'Google+' account. Obviously, there are reasons to keep them in comparison to all social networks upon deactivation. All's well that ends well. Period.

Alright. Four reasons and the post already covered many things I have in mind! Of course, I am just sharing my personal thoughts, thus, I am not convincing anyone to do the same thing as me. If y'all insist on keeping some of your accounts, it is TOTALLY cool with me /nods head/. Okay? 

Where do these sudden actions came from, anyways? I was watching a video by Chelsea Crokett, also known as BeautyLiciousInsider on YouTube. One of her videos really got into me. It makes me ponder about certain network issues, before coming into a conclusion, a pretty big decision to make actually. The video? Here you go. 

It is never easy living with change. Yesterday, there was a workshop held in school regarding finance. Then, there was this particular quote about habits: "It takes 21 days to keep a habit, but 7 days to break them". Hopefully, I will not go back to my old addictive ways. Instead, I should live my life fully and simply learn to enjoy each day.

Thank you for reading!

CP

Story of our lives / T&O: Understanding

I don't know why, but I felt the urge to post something.
My brain can be a wondrous tiny place, it processes the most random things out.

Let my serious//random side show then.

This will become some small blabber by Sta yo. But um...finally...another T&O topic! x'D
-

credits: here

In some or most of my previous posts, I do realized this fact about me: emphasizing readers to have a great amount of understanding for other fellow human beings. But then again, despite all "saintly" advice I gave from most of my blog post entries... many a time, I know it is not easy to follow nor empathize with others . No one is perfect, remember? I don't make an exception either. But that does not mean I shall give up trying. I believe in taking one step by one step to fulfill certain goals.

Yes,  I might not get to experience what other people go/gone through, therefore whatever strong feelings they foster from within, I will not completely feel the way they do. To be frank, not even the so-called "psychic" people around me, will get to know what one truly feels every-single-time. Instincts, theories, assumptions and interpretations are the things that keep conclusions going.

From here onward, I would love to elaborate more on what "understanding" is for me.

Humans are more than colors, more than plant types, more than animals (even some of them show emotions)... the list goes on. Truly, it is a privilege to be raised as a human, because humanity is the most intelligent one out of thousands of other living things.

But --people tend to overlook that point and many other good things by bringing people around them down, how wasted! I mean c'mon... that's not a smart move. (ME INCLUDED)

For instance, I see people judging one another too easily without basic understanding, always involving the "I...I...I" factor in various ways; the egoistic nature. I read books relating to EGO and they all begin inside the mind.

After all, the mind is the major root to all thought processes. I see why meditation is very practical for some. They know when to.."rest" their minds. Hear their thoughts without giving feedback. Free from negativity, just wanting that peaceful, undisturbed moment. Then wishing everyone with good prayers after settling down. When times get rough, I see the need to take away thoughts that revolves only around me, and spare some other ones for "no-me-being-a-bitch" things like enjoying nature, watching documentaries that involve others' lives or simply keeping silent. Why don't I listen more? I remind myself this sentence frequently, over and over again.

Hence, instead of having songs or titles like "story of MY life", I replaced it with "story of OUR LIVES". Its not just ourselves, but Everyone plays a part in making a story called Earth. No exceptions. Everyone ought to understand people around them. 

I guess as being humans... we tend to get placed into vulnerable moments. After our downfall, we eventually blame things around us. Personally, I like blaming some of my love-ones, I like blaming the weather... I like blaming my fate, my whatever you can think of... including myself. Crazy, isn't it?

But those things only got processed out from the brain. 

When I think deeper and straighter, the chances of things I mentioned that were at fault, are completely illusions. They weren't at fault, silly. Its just how things happen for a reason. It is my destiny to face certain things, and it is your destiny to face yours.  I can choose to ride along with life aka a sweet struggle and adventure, or sit there and cry over spilled milk, dragging others into my unhappiness. But one thing's for sure: the latter one will bring me to no good ending.

LESSON #59.

If I learned something new this year, it would be the fact that the world do not just go around with my way of thinking. Others have feelings too. It is easy to say, but hard to act out as if I really understand and attend to someone else's needs and point of view. Lets say for example.. when a parent is disciplining or scolding his/her daughter out of worry, the son stands on a whole new level to protect his sister from getting hurt or sad. He ended up "talking back" to the parent. As a result? The parent and son clashes. Maybe they'll quarrel, maybe they'll sort things out.

As I'm writing this down, again...it is my way of expressing things from within. See the relationship? Not everyone will agree with what I wrote.

I don't think I am the only one reflecting on these things right? I believe in my lovely, positive, life beauty community, be it on Google+..Youtube etc.

Here's a piece of Cal's thought processes for you!

Have a wonderful life y'all. See you with another post soon.
That being said, I know you know what is coming up!

CP

Dealing with dislikers/haters #HappinessCP

credits: outright.com

Another #HappinessCP topic before I go off to somewhere for a few weeks (*hint hint*). I will write more about it once I come back from my trip. I need that really nice~  fresh sight and air, according to my last thoughts. Hehehe yes I am traveling twice this month, to different countries. It just happened to be that way.

-

Okay... I am hereby writing your another long awaited self-confidence and self-love (if that counts) post.

This is dedicated to e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e, no exceptions. Why? Because there are times we all have people who do not like us for who we are...or that we do not like others. Either way, I want to elaborate on handling such cases in a smarter manner. With utmost sincerity. This is a similar post to the one on Judgement here, except that this one is the other way round; handling those negative aspects of people.

Before I proceed on by sharing my tips, I would like to say that in life, NOT EVERYONE WILL AGREE WITH WHAT WE DO. In another words, not everyone will have the same taste and liking as us. SO, DO NOT EXPECT EVERY SINGLE SOUL TO LIKE US FOR WHO WE TRULY ARE. Whatever we do, there will always be critics going on.  They might be there to make or break us. Whichever the case is, we do not have to care about what EVERYONE out there has to say. Well..unless the critique they gave is sort of true and we can hence, change for the better. You can read about my T&O post about Criticism here (if you haven't).

--Switching to first person recount:--

Yeah buddies! Now is the time to share how I do not care what others say. Thought processes and actions wise.

"But Cal...you received dislikes before?"

Yeah...I totally heard gossips shooting at me while I was younger. "Cal is weird.. Don't friend her, she is freaking quiet etc etc." But it is alright now, they gradually died down. And thank you for the experiences! I learned from them y'know. To the people who found me different, I appreciate you in my life, because you guys taught me lessons nonetheless.

Tip 1: SMILE it off yo! 
Ever heard of "smiling is the most powerful weapon of all time" and the "world's universal language (okay maybe next to mathematics)"? It is technically true because in terms of psychology, people who gives out a smile can make their haters hurt more.

Haters be like "what?! why is this girl still standing and smiling despite the amount of hate she received." That puzzled and questionable look, that's the objective.

Whether it is real or fake, smiling will eventually make me come upon this realization: it is not so bad as it seems, or things are simply not the best at the moment. But trust me, things do get better...and I do see the light once again. There is a rainbow after the rain. When hitting rock bottom, the only way left is to go up ^! Lets just say... to the haters in school: I will not see them forever, it is temporary, who knows they might even forget about me when everyone grows older.

It is best to smile and shake it off sometimes.


Tip 2: When smiling itself don't work, add a "laugh it off ". 
Haters and their hate vibes cannot stop one from being positive and cheerful as a whole. Only I, myself has the permission to feel happy or sad.

The old Sta would be like "Urgh, why are those people hating on me at first glance, what did I do and where did I ever go wrong?!"

Guess what? People who hate others for no reason tends to find fault easily. They are the insecure ones that has a pretty low self-esteem. Hence, I try my freaking best to understand the fact and move on. Smile, laugh it off, whatever.

Speaking of which, it is funny how some people actually take their precious time to hate. Sure, their past (hurts and doubts) defines who they are today, but they can choose to compliment someone instead of hurting that being right. That make both parties happy, not bringing some kiddish war or unrest.

But if someone still continues hating... Damn, hahahahah what the heck is that for, pal? Don't grow some wrinkles because of hating. It leads to nowhere either. >_<

When I see people wasting their time, DISLIKING. I cannot help myself but laugh out loud. I mean, there is way more things to focus on besides throwing daggers at others.


Tip 3: "You are not alone!!" Because we are all in this together.
Yes, I know it sucks to get hated on. But...have everyone ever considered that the haters themselves might have their own group of haters as well? Mmhmm funny yeah? No one is let scot free. No one is perfect. From here, I conclude that we have all been victims of someone's lame conversation before. Earth is round, so are people.


Tip 4: Haters are not entirely happy people. They face karma too! Don't let them ruin you, together with their unhappiness. 
When they spread enough awful remarks, you know that they are haters being haters, appearing "strong" and all. But no. Deep down, they are just like ordinary people... or even worse, they are weak. They use verbal abuse as a form of strength to fight at people (whom most likely might appear as threatening to them). If I were to get hated on for that reason, I will sympathize with my haters. At least don't be a coward behind one's back, eh?

Anyways, karma is there. Every being will pay off its debts as time comes. As we all know, hating is tiring. I would love to see how much hate one could give to someone else. Till death? But really, do humans really want to bring this burden until then?


Tip 5: It will never last. Haters, well...let them be haters.
Imagining my own deathbed... I would totally forget about how someone hated me so badly. I mean, he/she hates - that's his/her own bloody problem. Not mine. Period.

Haters have difficulty controlling their emotions, hence it will not be a surprise if they go about bringing down others around them.


Tip 6: Treat haters back with kindness.
A sidekick next to Tip 1: Smiling huh. If they insist on using unpleasant words at me, ha! I will use back the kindness. I am not my haters. Therefore, I like staying true to the inner me, which is: to treat back nicely.

"Hey, are you alright?"

See what else they can do there.


Tip 7: Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. Don't let them get the worst out of you.
I do not want things to get any rougher. So whats left inside me is the hardest action of all time --- Ta-da...Forgiveness! 

Yeah others can be mean, but we have the power to not let their meanness get the hang out if it. If we are strong enough, we forgive. Not easy once again, I know. Forgiveness is not a form of weakness, it is the strength that requires a humongous amount of effort. Only then can I fully let go, and accept things.


Tip 8: Fight/not fight back, its your choice!
For this particular tip, I would let my readers decide. Due to us having different personalities, we attempt to handle things differently.


-


Yes sire! I want to end off my post here kekekeke. I hope this is like a comic relief or something for some of y'all. ^o^

Good day ahead!

Revolution of Calis; slight glimpse of childhood

I told my self I have to update...
I really have to.
Though little time I have.

But I'm still here anyways.

Couple of minutes ago, I was browsing through some really old (from years back) photos of myself, people around me and the memories we shared. And viola! I stumbled upon the "kiddier" version of myself, looking all childish (because duh I'm still young), playful and derpy. And I see changes done to my hair style... totally not talking about going all color crazy nor whatsoever. It's just well, I cut it differently during each visit to the salon.

Old me thinks life in a different way as compared to now.
Old me is really immature. She assumes a lot (not that she fully overcome it now).
She is a little miss temper...
little miss negative and chatterbox at home.
Or maybe spoilt according to some.

I hated school. I hated choir. I blamed every circumstances and bring up different reasons of whys and whats. Not until I realized the values of each specific thing.

But anyways...

"I like those days when my parents fetch me from school, but I don't seem to appreciate it earlier.
I like those days when time was slower.
I like those days when I don't actually give a damn about how I look like, or showcase myself as.
Childhood days, for me...were pleasant."

Days when I thought bangs/short fringes were nice. Like it was kinda trending?  Yeap I believe the first picture was taken during my eleventh/twelve birthday?? I was always the middle person during those days. Like whenever there were arguments/conflicts between certain people, I get caught in between. And many a time, I have no idea whom to side. Really. It's not a nice feeling to side anyone in particular, especially if you count both as your friends. I feel damn guilty afterwards. Getting into people's drama isn't pretty from the start. So here I am...apologizing to everyone I feel guilty about. > ~ < "Sorry, sorry!" Though I know some might have already gotten over it. And that just words itself are not really effective.  I too, might have rebelled some tutors so hm million apologies...

I would probably be more onto the quieter, shy side in school. But extremely playful, loud and sometimes egoistic at home. Yes, atmospheric conditions. Different sides for different places. That's me. And I kind of had been a victim of gossip before, during younger days? Hahaha people saying "don't befriend her" or "she's/weird/damn quiet" already gave me that feeling of hurt. Or those death-stares, make-fun laughter etc. Yeah I admit I was more onto the anti-social side during Primary school days. Therefore, I can somehow relate for people who face(d) bigger problems like bullying and feeling unworthy. No, don't let negativity get the hand of it.  The situation has seized down, therefore it's the al-right now! I mean, I forgive, and learn to look people at their bright side. Not a one day miracle. But an overtime healing. Aside from me learning new values each day, I believe people are also growing. ;) Mean comments that bring one down should be totally ignored because really, the comment-maker is the one that has a big issue over here. Like his/her insecurities, doubts and self-thorn is there to slowly swallow him/her up. So try to live happy! Because there are also another group of people that cares a hell lot for you out there, just that there are times we feel oblivious to them. 
Actually, I'm still trying to not get those negative remarks get to hand out of me. I don't want them to define who I am (which worsens me). I get drawn away by hurtful emotions too. I mean, we are humans after all. We won't completely stay scot-free from those feelings of lacking something.



Throughout the years, I'm so thankful to gain more wisdom from some generous adults and teachers. Without them, I would not become an upgraded version of myself. However, I STILL HAVE MANY MANY MANY MORE TO UNDERSTAND AND LEARN ABOUT> If you're an old man/lady reading this (haha hahaha what? if there is, you are really up to date!!), you would agree this on a mini junior about the sentence, right sire/madam? There are more skills to acquire, more to reflect and think about.  More knowledge to pick up, more people to hear out from, more amendments to keep making... totally plural. Sometimes, I too wonder what I would be thinking in next ten years down the road, will I still share the same values/beliefs or accept more logic? Should be the latter, while not.

The slight greedy side of me looks to the future (though I know it isn't good to think too much and all..). But the kind of thinking, I can't help it from flowing into my brain either.  This post might be labelled as somewhat "a penny for my thoughts" kinda thing too. I really want to know how actual adults think... because I am in one of my confused years (according to them) aka teenage years. I want to grow up, still. Surprisingly, I'm not one that entirely misses childhood days although yes, kids do not need to worry much nor live up to more and more "demands". I just...don't yearn for that.

Ps. about the part I said "I hated...." I see the fun in things I took finally. After all, I've been in choir for approximately seven years. I don't find it boring or being a burden anymore. In fact, I learned more techniques on how to control my vocals, pull longer notes, just simply having fun etc. And school? There are caring teachers. Weird and remarkable friends and people to interact with.

If I wrote in a moderately fast pace, please let me say I have a dozen of words running through my mind right now.

Okay?

So...I would love to end off here and proceed on with a little bit of revision (big procrastinator recently).

See ya'll real soon! Fighting for a week more....

Weehee my 'happiness post series' are coming on the way. Will inform the details later!!

CP

Talk is cheap, now I know.

Title shows it all yeah? I'm currently in this dilemma of... moving on with life and making decisions, good ones. Find me silly or what, but I'm seriously one messed up, ironic person. I can write ten pages long story about my mixed up feelings and emotions. And describe myself with long long sentences (which I believe some people dread).

One simple question, I feel like ever since beginning of this year, I've become a improved yet ridiculous person,  guess I'm confusing y'all? Will be straightforward here. I try practicing positivity repetitively . It works sometimes. Other times? Maybe not. There are days I still feel negative, things like remorse, guilt and self-doubt; they all come back. Am I having some clinical depression or something? Well I could elaborate more if y'all insist.

People who knows me can laugh at it now. Because they realized how a "happy", "perfect" (so far from it OMG) person turned out to be someone made out of total irony. I mean, I know humans are not born perfect and all. However,  my feelings are far from worse. I feel stupid, not worthy of things I have.

Now the negative side of Sta is talking.

I feel like I let everyone around me down, no matter how I try to amend myself, to become better. I ended up bringing them down further. Sad, it seems. On days I feel like I will be alright, things go bad. Vise versa: when I'm not looking forward to certain days, things get alright. Tell why am I thinking too much? Being some paranoid bitch.

When I get nasty, I really miss those days I feel positive about life. Is my ego surfacing, eating me up? I hope not. I'm just somehow tired of living up to expectations.

To people who cares a lot about me, I'm really sorry if I've let you down. I don't mean it, I fucking don't. It's hard, sometimes. The roads can be bloody rocky.
I want to show y'all that I'm capable (not when pride gets in the way).

I want to get up again. I want to keep trying. Thank you for being there, lovely humans who care.

Sobs. - And MOST humans are weird, whatever goodness they have, no matter how great things are...there is this little side of them that is unsatisfied. Or what should I  say, sometimes we want more. And more. And so forth. Isn't it exhausting?

Just as I'm recovering towards hope, things can start falling apart so I'm hella afraid.

A number of things people misunderstand

Hey once again!! School has been terrible and yet joyful lately. Yes it has been up and down, hash-tagging life of a high school student. :D

I broke down somehow last week, thinking of stupid things. But, its all fine now. I mean, its alright to share at least this bit with y'all.

And today was a hectic day, one moment I feel cold and shivers, the next I feel warm inside. No, I am not sick. It might be because I haven't eaten anything since morning till late 6++. Break record for a day. And I can totally relate to people who experiences hunger for days.

I understand now, finally...

-

Okay, I'm back with another "should-be-made-a-video but neh...a blogpost for me" post. Wooh! That was a mouthful huh. Needless to say, today's topic is already reflected on the post title itself. At some point in our lives, we get heavily accused/misunderstood by certain groups of people. Not that we can help it either, because that's how THEY FEEL towards us and changing their opinions require a whole lot of time (if you know...you really have to). But I believe if that person really mean something to us, we will try our best to explain and sort this out; get to know each other more.

Hehehehe! I hope this post would somehow lighten down some people's tensed up mood. Here are the list of things I want to explain about (its nice to see some relating to it because humans obviously do share similarities). Side note: if I use words like "others" or '"people", they are honestly not saying all.

Ps. some parts might seem a bit like ranting.


1) Nice people and their kindness.
Sometimes, others make assumptions, thinking nice people are not being genuine, or want to ask a favor indirectly. Or that he/she lacks standing up for him/herself. Overall, they see the need of being nice more to a weakness than a strength. Hey, being nice for me, personally, do help tons in making me positive and all. And yes, when I say 'nice', I don't mean we have to be that too much (like damn!), and put our guards down. And let everyone take advantage of us. No!! I mean it in a way that your heart is big and mature enough to forgive and accept someone's flaws slowly.

credits: http://www.searchquotes.com/search/Stop_Being_Too_Nice/

2) When someone acts real quiet.
When someone is staying at a corner, acting quiet and eyes fixed on something.. I'm pretty sure he/she thinking about life; or what we call soul-searching. Don't misunderstand those people from being sad, angry or even depressed. How do we differentiate then (if you care anyway)? ASK! BUT don't ask in such a way that you're guaranteeing the person to admit that he/she is feeling negative within, because really they might not be how you feel towards them. I get irritated when people make assumptions like this. Or worse still, if I get labelled stuffs like 'emo'. I mean, stereotyping and judging much?! And do you even know what exactly being "emo" means? Uh huh I will write more on 4).

credits: http://www.shannonmdeitz.com/just-show-up-dont-assume-day-21

AGREE WITH THE IMAGE LOTSA!

3) Facial expressions
AHA! This, is something fairly good to bring up on this topic. Because, facial expressions are also a reason many get misunderstood. We individuals have a normal expression to show, mine is a "serious" face. How about yours? I'm sure some people will have a show-no-expression face as a "angry looking","grudge holding", "sad" ...even "playboy( if you count it)" etc.   See? Get to know the person well, before you come to a conclusion of how he/she is actually feeling inside. Don't be that person to analyse things or behaviors very easily, because it will never get you anywhere. Just lies and plain lies make up from the mind.

credits: http://www.japanrealm.com/the-many-faces-of-texting-emoticons/

4) Stereotypes
This is one common thing most do yeah? Stereotyping people. No, not race, culture or even religion. But actions, outer-appearances and personalities wise. We have many groups such as hipsters, gansta, geeky/dorky people, gamer, charismatic (popular) people, emos, goths and so forth.... there are just soooo many type of people with unique styles.

But unfortunately...

Some people tends to misread and misunderstand certain behaviors and intentions of people. Like FOR EXAMPLE, I've seen an emo-style YouTuber ranting out and standing for what she believes. Though being serious, angry and all... I feel her because well... I was probably called or labelled "emo" when I was much younger (perhaps I will make a separate post on it about some things about my childhood). I still am one unstereotypical emo of any sorts (yeah confessing because most probably see me as outgoing and all) but that doesn't prove y'all to just know the stereotype "emos" in such a way that they cut, eat pills, wants to stay alone forever, or worse...seeking attention and weak. Haha hahaha! What dear one? You follow the crowd? I hope not, cuz' we're all special people. (Okay my seriousness is brewing up).

Have you checked out more about the true definition of "emo"? If you haven't, here are some written by certain people...

.I like the part whereby they wrote about "deep, quiet and sensitive people". I find that people who thinks a lot about life: deep thinkers, are often misunderstood as emos that are suffering and all. In fact, no we are not. We are just there to understand more about humanity, how they react to things and find a reason to live everyday (positive ones): personality wise.

. Another background about emos are:
from the YouTuber I mentioned earlier... she lost three friends (from suicide), I try my best to understand her (although I know it is pretty hard especially if you're not that person yourself and don't exactly know how that person feels) ... but really, THREE close friends!! One by one. You never understand a loss of someone unless you're that person. It takes a hell lot of time to get stronger again from deep wounds, that's what I want to say. 

Summing up, I am absolutely sure other "stereoptypes" have their own way of thinking, PAST/BACKGROUNDS, and stories too. So don't be too quick to judge because we each have a problem. Nobody lives tens and tens of year problem-free, I mean... have you seen one like that? When I say judge, I mean going against any stereotypes with bullying, teasing and all. They are freaking not cool. You achieve nothing positive from that.

Okay before it gets super long, I will end off here for now.

Side note: this post was researched over and over, observed carefully, read pretty much from books, watched videos and questioned people before everything was spoke by me. Hehehehe what! XD

All the best!
-C P

Positivity x Negativity

From the title, I've eventually given you a big hint of what I'm going to share with y'all. Yes, I wanna share my thoughts and opinion between the two factors: black and white, yin and yan, darkness and light.

Without further ado, lets go straight to what I observed/explored..

Many a times, i find myself DRAWN into the negativity side more. I believe some of you out there might feel this way too? Hah..its funny, isn't it? I mean the part whereby it is so much easier to be negative than positive. Honestly I ain't perfect, i don't know if people think that way, but really, I NEVER WAS. Whatever some of my friends: nice, clean, kind
..not all the time actually! My point is: I show temper, ego, self-doubt sometimes. What I think about someone might only be part of the truth. Do we actually a person fully? I doubt that.

I feel so Unstereotypical, in the middle of something always. My moodswing also changes each day, like a weirder version rollercoaster.
However, I feel the most happiest when I'm able to stand up and face against my negativity, drown them up with positivity instead. As much as I see things in a darker way, I can equally bring out the light aka optimistic side to them (sort of thankful). I tend to overcome negativity by singing out loud, soul-searching and forcing myself to think straight in the shower.

How about y'all? How do you deal with it? Share your thoughts here!

T&O: sacrifices and forgiveness

As powerful as it seems, the words "sacrifice" and "forgiveness" each carries its own significant meaning. Those things doesn't come easily at all. However, I could somehow relate/link both words one way or another.

Obviously, there are so many ways of making sacrifices. Personally, when I hear the word sacrifice, I will instantly think of my parents, how they had always been there, like literally every moment. It might not be the same for you, because our backgrounds and upbringing differ (but that's what makes the world interesting, don't you think?). Sometimes I read upon stories of real life adoption and all, and wonder: how can people who are totally not related to us, take a whole new step to make sacrifices? Feelings can be really funny (in a good way). But...I'm thankful to know that those kind of people do exist. :) I mean, it brings hope everyday. That really warm feeling.

No matter how cold and disrespectful (well at least for me..and I don't mean it at all) we treat our caregivers sometimes, they never once turned their heads and walk away on us. In fact, despite how angry they get sometimes, they eventually forgive, having this belief that we will learn to become better. That's like a whole new level of love, a strong affection that even millions of apologies and repaying is nothing compared to that. ♥ I'm sorry, but does it really make a difference? I need to act now.


Since I know my parents are unconditionally loving me , its time I change something... be it this and that. It won't be easy, for all I know. But I have been told not to give up easily on certain things, and I do believe in that... especially when you know your own mistakes.

Hm I do genuinely hope to see better results in the future because right now, I'm on this unstable road with shards of broken glass panes and used bullets to walk through (yeah you can set your own interpretation here).

All that being said, I can conclude that this seemed more like a 'thoughts' post, which is pretty much further from just having a solution to some LIFE problem(s).
I ain't perfect, no one is...we all know that. At some point, we breakdown. But that doesn't mean its the end.

Alright. Let me do my best to rejoice and spend my youth time wisely. Now.

-

Have a happy weekend all!

T&O: criticism and judgement (part ii.)

-A continuation from my previous post- 

Judgement;

Definition - 1) the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.                   2) an opinion or conclusion.

What I want to focus and elaborate on will be number 2. Not only opinions and conclusion itself, but BAD judgement aka gossip.

In society, people always have this tendency to gossip/judge us. We cannot help to keep their trap shut anyway, its their mouth after all. I guess...knowing or unknowingly, everyone had been both a culprit and victim of judgement and gossip. If people will to make bad judgement to someone to the point that they are affecting them by hurting them, they should be more sensible to stop. Or are they just too insensible to know that their words are hurting others? Maybe. This will be somehow be related to "verbal bullying". My actual thoughts about it.

Some or even MOST people, likes to pick on others who are totally "different" from them, without putting themselves in that person's shoes, he/she will attempt to make awful remarks about them, causing them to lose their self-esteem and confidence entirely. Why do they do that? A few reasons. One would be because they had once or currently been a victim themselves too. Another would be because of their past...what they experienced and been through. The past shaped the way we behaved now. I agree to that. I kind of set sympathy on verbal bullies who have a bad past, maybe that is the reason why they are being so mean now. I think they might need some help themselves. If you are a strong person, you will learn to forgive them upon seeing the love they don't receive as much as you does. (its hard, very very hard but at least...lets TRY to do that! Ps. reminder to self too.)

If you are verbal bullying too much, try to lessen it gradually. After all, what more does it do other then hurting someone else's feelings. You gain nothing other than the label of being called a "coward" who let people see your "power" by saying negative remarks. 

How do these negative remarks came about too? I guess why gossipers gossip will be probably because they are being jealous of people who achieve better than them, thinks they have an higher IQ, feels like they have more talents or just because of their behaviour and attitude which they cannot seem to accept and find them annoying. (which is an immature thing to do actually). Piles of these added on will make a person full of hatred plus greed, destroying the person slowly. 

What if you are a victim now or before? Well, let me tell you the same thing... You are worthy, special and lovable. Just because someone judged you, that doesn't mean you are ugly, undeserving for the life you have and untalented. The fact is, they are just jealous of the personality your have, or the way unhappiness is overwhelming them within. Remember... things like gossip and bullying are temporary, you don't have to care too much about them because their hurtful remarks are just some bullets missing your heart. Focus more on the positive side then to mourn over your negative ones. We always forget the last point very easily. See how funny human nature can be? Those thoughts, words and actions... All the above I have mentioned? Well, I am trying to live by those principles too! It takes time I know, to set a positive mindset. Haters only see your bad, delusional side anyways, unless they see your strength...that's a different case. It is just another illusion they made out of you. 

In a nutshell, you can choose to be happy or sad. Only YOU can make those decisions. Enjoy life! 

Loves, CP's owner. 

T&O: criticism and judgement (part i.)

I was in the means of considering what T&O post to write next and after spending some time thinking, I managed to come out with this topic on "criticism and judgement".

At some points in our lives, we will eventually get criticised or judged due to certain weaknesses and others outlook toward us. Believe it or not, whether its real or fake, people will still be opening their mouths on us. There is quite a difference between criticism and judgement so I plan to separate them to further elaborate on each meaning. Fyi, this things are what I learnt for the past few years in my life. I experienced them before and felt so worthless. But I guess I managed to overcome it.

Criticism; 

Definition - the expression of disapproval of someone or something on the basis of perceived faults or mistakes. Something sometimes those faults and mistakes can be improved or changed to be better. 

Many a time, people tend to misinterpret criticism for "not being talented/loved/inspired enough. The result? People have this negative mindset to quit on that particular thing their doing just because they received not-so-good remarks from their teachers, instructors, bosses and even colleagues/mates. They find themselves not being qualified to be in the position/role their given, which causes them to gather negative thoughts inside on being stupid, worthless and not-good-enough. How about the others? Hmm...I guess their a little more "thick-skin" or what you call... "stubborn" to the fact that they think their doing everything right while others' necessary remarks does not matter anymore. 

Of course, I am not implying that "oh... when someone criticize you, you should immediately change" and if you don't, people will find you being as stubborn as an ox. Not so fast, y'all! Do some soul-searching... if you thought thrice about not changing, and finds what you are currently doing worthy and beneficial, and that you feel happy without changing, go ahead and follow your instinct! Those criticism might then be due to the fact that others have a different way of thinking then you do, and that they care way too much for you in order to not let you get hurt or face failure. Be more understanding! After all, our human DNA is made up of 99.9% similarity, the remaining is how we view things and ect. 

On the other hand, if you think that a criticism directed at you should be accepted, and that the person is telling you for your own good and improvement, then change for the better! Ask where you think you go wrong and stop repeating the same mistakes again. If you are having a hard time doing it yourself, I guess everyone could ask a person of a higher authority for some help. Remember...nobody is born perfect! Everyone has the right to make mistakes...a successor is not born within one day, it takes a lot of hard work, determination and perseverance to become one. 

Just because you got criticized, doesn't mean its the end of your world, for my case...an instructor told me that I was aggressive and  pitchy while singing a certain song. I could choose to give up...or continue giving my best. Well, I came into my senses somehow, to this realization of each of us having flaws and not let our ego take over us.

-to be continued- 

T&O: How someone changed so fast overtime

Promise is a promise, I am back with another T&O post yay! Previously, I have posted a poll for readers to vote, the result was already mentioned earlier. Majority wants me to touch on the topic on... "how someone changed so fast overtime". It might not be an easy discussion because this topic has no direct and absolute answers. Anyway, like I said before, it is just a personal feeling towards something or someone.

Have you ever felt like someone you very much knew before literally became a "total" stranger overtime? Well, I do seldom see it happening on some friends, even celebrities. I am going to elaborate on experiences and thoughts first before giving my explanations.

Somebody changing overtime can be something as simple as a loud person turning super quiet, or someone so obedient becoming a 'badass' as days gone by. Fits the shoe of a schoolmate/friend of yours? Well, then bingo! I have one answer for you: you do not know the person's character and intention fully. The person might be hiding something from everyone else that his/her true colors are later being shown.

In some cases, someone talkative becoming seriously quiet might be a matter of fact that some incident had taken place outside which nobody in school knows about his/her outside affairs. Any various reasons could help support the sudden change in someone's attitude. Some of this reasons would be - him/her losing an important person (eg. love one) and maybe.. guilt over a certain issue. What does guilt got to do with it? Well, some people might desperately want to change for the better, they might do some soul-searching last night and come to a realization that "oh..maybe I have been talking too much all this while, causing me to lose my concentration in class...I can't let that affect my studies...I need to change my learning attitude!". Once someone knows his/her own mistakes, which sane person will not want to try changing for the better? For some, it is pretty easy, but for some, it will be harder. Regardless of which, once the person set his/her mind on becoming someone greater, he/she will eventually change. Of course, this is just a good example of people changing faster overtime. To recap here, a background and experience of a person can change the current attitude of his/hers.

On the other hand, someone so obedient becoming a person with an attitude might be a more special case. It is partly due to his home problems/influences and peer-pressure. When parents tend to neglect a child too much, he/she will feel unloved and thought of being "close" friends with people elsewhere, whether it is in school or from outside, he/she thinks that they are the ones who "cares" more than the parents and hence, getting influenced by their attitudes later. We cannot possibly blame the child too... it just happens sometimes, we have to understand I guess. Shower them with love, they will feel it gradually, I believe. Patient sir/madam! Its like a cause and effect thing.

Lastly, I cannot finish off this post without saying an obvious thing about.. celebrities! From what I know, interviews and all, celebrities do not always necessarily lead a what most people think... luxurious and perfect life. They have their struggles too. Back then, during the olden days, (or even in the present), many celebs attempted suicide/self-harm either from drinking too much, or taking drugs. Why? it because of the heavy workloads they receive too often, stress and negative remarks. The more famous you are, the more hatred you get too. Those are basically the disadvantages there. \

On the other hand, most people are currently mentioning about Miley, how she changed so much from last year till now, they want the old her back. Well, from my point of view, the old her is not her true self! She admitted it on an interview too, its just how the industry works to control her. There is a quote saying: be true to yourself, right? Some people might be still living inside the past , and not moving forward.... I used to think she changed a lot to become worse, but that's how she is...we cannot deny the fact that she is brave to take the risks of being judged by many.  At least, she showed her inner-self.

Change, that word might be a scary thing...but that is just another condition in life. Live with it.

T&O: insecurity & asumptions

I'm back! Well.. I am so glad that year-end exams were finally over, in another words: freedom is here. This is my very first T&O blog post. What does it stand for? T = Thoughts and O = Opinions. Yes! Its a personal view and thinking toward certain things which others might agree or maybe...disagree. It is actually a free will thing to do. I came out with the topic on "insecurity and assumptions" and thought maybe I would like to share my experience and views with all readers.

I admit I, myself for one, can get really insecure over some things that I start assuming everything. I can end up messing things up and making them worse. I know I am still quite young and has a whole lot of challenges to face ahead each day... but I would like to still share a little about myself.... this shall be a serious post.

I have had a few bad relationships with people before, there was somewhat a case on me being too overboard that I ruined the whole year friendship. But...thanks heaven I kind of stay true to my feelings and stayed strong over the whole thing. Like what they say: people comes and goes. That's life. Nothing really lasts forever, I gotta accept this fact. About the good friend during primary school? Well, we had like approximately a year of friendship, we were good friends who went to recess together most of the times. But there was this day when she was kind of... urgh. She talked something hurtful about me to another classmate. I kind of took it too seriously that the whole case was brewing up. I do not blame her, but I admit I used to dislike her after what she did. However, I truly feel that time is a healer, I got the strength to forgive her, accept the whole thing and move on. That agony kind of left a scar upon me, up till now, but I strongly believe that it will fade away gradually. its only good that I learned another life lesson... not to think too much and act rash. Its me being negative and blurting out ironic things to people that breaks the whole friendship. I did have trust issues back then.

Another thing on why I feel insecure about myself is mainly due to the earlier part of gossiping case in my life. Nonetheless, like what I was implying earlier... I sort of accepted imperfection among each and everyone of us. We had all been the victims and culprits of gossiping before.Whatever negative thing someone said about me, I shall not take it to heart anymore! Everyone is made unique in their own ways, we get stronger each day by accepting our flaws and willing to become a better person. I used to be a really quiet girl in school, who people might think I keep things to myself, an introvert in fact. Some called me an "emo", "weirdo" and words related to it. I do not feel good upon hearing that. I went to recess alone most of the time. However, as time passes each day, I started opening up a little, I got the courage to make conversations with class/schoolmates and make good friends. Sometimes, we just gotta stand up for ourselves. I am so thankful to have someone who is willing to go "crazy" with me now, such a lovely bestie I have! (KT... its referring to you, if you read this).

In a nutshell, I find that insecurity and assumptions are mainly feelings and acts that ruin things like bonding, self-esteems and confidence. Somehow, we can be really depressed due to over-thinking and misleading cases.  I was once a really negative person, but I tried to get more motivation on being happier by researching topics on insecurity, observing people with positive attitudes, and accepting that things might not always go they way I want it to be. What's most important will be the fact that you are strong to carry on and believe you will find the rainbow anytime soon.

I wish you all the best, my dear friend.