Encircling dreams

"When was the last time you did something for the first time?" 
"If not now, then when?" 
"Do something your future self will thank you for now." 

Three significant quotations to consider; the guiding principles Sta seeks this year.
These past few months has been rather different for Sta. Her being unorthodox, unconventional and too unpredictable a person, she decided to hop around (again), to explore several new things.

Now one downside to having many interests is that Sta is prone to committing more errors. Her attention span on things are kind of  'all over the place'.

First of all, she tweaked her direction - her course of study. She made a swap from being a Management student, to a Technical one. Ya know... get a little more practical on topics that entice her.

On top of that, she joined her school's Dragon Boat. This was how she got introduced to the gym lifestyle in general. New human figures to learn from. Oh, and more about herself too! It was never smooth-sailing. Definitely not all rainbows and unicorns (hah). She was taught to be more discipline, and the most prominent thing would be for her to be a better team-player. Or so she tried.

Maybe Sta was a spoiled brat before. Now she compensates. Action speaks louder than words. She realized the overwhelming support she gets from her family members and friends throughout these years. All the privileges and luxuries she has/ has had here. Very honored by the way.

Count this a 'rites of passage'. A way to make her grow both mentally and physically.

Blue Red

Life lesson update episode unknown. ;P


Not being delusional when I say that.. But I am someone who stems towards the great human potential:

- In rare cases, OBEs (Out of Body Experiences) do exist, after all. Maybe your angels are somewhere out there, looking out for you. The angel can be an unseen force of nature. This is "to each their own". To contextualized it, some theories could be explained artistically, philosophically, religiously and scientifically. Depending on each varying predicament we are in, or had been. Do good, at least you won't feel bad about it.

- Hell can annoyance be interlinked with care and concern. If there is something I can strongly resonate with this year, it would be agreeing on the fact that love and hate are both feelings. Many a time, I could think ill and positive about some random dude out there. I may have released my inner woes by gossiping about that person, keyword: may have. But you know what? Within a few days I am fairly much well and chirpy again. This means I have no more issues with him/her. It was just that short period of time I felt unsatisfied with his/her attitude towards things. Such a blinking light bulb you are, Calista.

- Coincidences can be a rather beautiful thing. Take it this way, the universe does send people at the right time, for reasons undefined. They may be there to make an impact on you, or there to teach you lessons. The given time frame could be long or short, but that is completely okay. What's substantial is the process; how every action you take has a reaction. If it its meant to be, it will be. Avoid taking things too literally, it does not serve our mental health well.



*PS. This post is very Spirituality based. I'm not particularly diving into the science aspect of humanity (as you can see). I mean c'mon, y'all must've already read through your Biology and Chemistry books - knowing a thing or two about how the body work wonders.


To end off:

My Pledge; Sta Fey's Pledge

Two egos working together
One an alter-ego
Always shaping
always reforming
always running wild with thoughts

Sta
I plead you to keep your inner-child
for it will support you
And withstand you
From the ruthless world outside
from the dirty bad devils
from the paradox itself

Fey
Continue initiating ideas
Seeking knowledge and wisdom
Seeing beauty amidst the
Not-so-pretty things
not treachery lives
no words can sum up

Allow yourself
to make mistakes
to fail
to hurt

After all
this is a test
a race
a lesson
a chronology

You are encouraged
To bring abundance
Into the garden
blossoming with fragrance
exuding beams
of fog and clarity alike

Continue learning
to move forward
to reinvent yourself

T&O: Balance

Hey y'all, what comes into your mind when you think of the word "balance"?

Personally, I think of a number of things. In fact, I think of possibly everything.

The strive to achieve equilibrium; it starts from a thing as simple as checking your own food intake - whether you have taken in too much or too little glucose (sugar) and sodium into your body. Be it taking prescribed drugs, or drinking liquor, the last thing you want is to overdose yourself. Water and fire can also be a foe when they are in excess. Yes, all (or most) things require conditioning.

Despite all these precautions, ONE thing is for sure: IT IS HARD TO FIND THE BALANCE.

We all struggle to find it at times. We never find it, we compromise and barely try to narrow a bunch of listings down.   (Now shush Fey, don't get brutal and hurt others)

.

Balance can be associated with other subsistence like numbers and symbols. Remember the ever-so-famous Algebraic Manipulation? There is a standard way to find the 'x'. Firstly, you correct your own thinking. That is, by equipping yourself with relevant formulas (and how they are formed). Then take baby steps in matching the left side of the equation to the right, before deriving at the answer. 

How about cognitive processes Calista? Hmm... good question. Let me talk a bit about the effectiveness of using complex thinking. First off, when facing a mind-boggling problem, try finding the root cause of it. If it is bothering you too much, come up with ways to tackle it, worrying and over-exerting pressure will only torment you further. 

But how? Okay buddy, relax. I am not going to give any immediate solution(s) and what-nots (that would be utterly useless). Not oblige to do that anyways. This very post, the one you are reading with your own keen eyes, is going to be undoubtedly suggestive. 

Try uncovering the factors that contribute to the problem first. After all, these little parts create the whole picture. Join them together if they are related. This can be as simple as asking yourself why you feel in a certain way.



Fictional scenario 1 (with mildly fictional characters and place)

Sta-bot: F@%^!$%@! Argh... dammit I'm pissed.

Sta-wiz (comforter):  Why are you infuriated, my dear?

Sta-bot: Idk, I just... I don't like coming to this place at this time. Regrets!

Sta-wiz (comforter): But honey what can you do about it? /talks all-round like a mama/

Sta-bot: Sheesh, you are not helping any further. Why did I even follow your here!!

*Now, at this point of time, the opposite party can lit up and spark a fire, aka argument. But no.*

*continues*

Sta-wiz (comforter): Oh no no Sta... You just don't go about pointing fingers at another living being.

Sta-bot: *After a dramatic episode and much simmering down* I'm sorry.

Sta-wiz: Don't worry child. You're forgiven. Now that you've chilled, let me ask you a question: Think about your sudden outburst, I see you don't like coming to 'Town A' at 12 P.M., on a Saturday. It's just back then, I know. But why is that so?

Sta-bot: That's correct wiz. Well back then I was overwhelmed by the heat and excruciating humid weather. You can see me sweating non-stop. Moreover, there's this bunch of people strolling around me. It seems like everywhere I go, people are following. Transportation wise, we are all packed like sardines and there is no room space for us to breathe freely. I am conscious of myself.

Sta-wiz: Well, there you go.
___________________________

What's written above is a scenario that shows the underlying answer to the big 'WHY'. In some ways it is similar to the '5-Why Analysis' (except Sta hasn't ask herself 4 more questions HAH)!

To a person who adores Pepe. Kiwiwi, this is for you. Totally relevant but irrelevant, I know. [Source]

Question of the day for all my readers: How do you find your own balance?

Differing plans

credits: here 

"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." - Dalai Lama

"When one door closes, another opens." - Hellen Keller


I wanted to share an essay I wrote for English class last year.

Topic: What do you consider to be your greatest achievement? Why does it mean so much to you?

I have had several joyous moments in life. My achievements play a huge part in bringing one joy. The greatest achievement I consider having would be getting a leadership role in my CCA (Co-Curricular Activity), choir. I would love to quote out this extract from a book called "The Talent Code" by Daniel Coyle: "Deep practice feels a bit like exploring a dark and unfamiliar room. You start slowly, you bump into furniture, stop, think and start again. Slowly and a little painfully, you explore the space over and over, attending to errors, extending your reach into the room a bit further each time, building a mental map until you can move through it quickly and intuitively." Personally, the 'dark' and 'unfamiliar' room here symbolizes the challenges faced during every choir practice.

My eight years in choir, struggling to become an even better person as a whole made me learn a lot about life, how the values cultivated during lessons are equally applicable in the real world. I started off joining choir as a complete newbie, without any music background or knowledge. I still remember my very first day. I was a primary two student, a very anti-social and quiet one with just one or two friends. Looking back, the me then would not have believed how much things changed. Ironically, the mindset I had during my primary school days was the thought of not making it worthwhile in the CCA. Reason being: I found it hard socializing and felt nervous whenever there were sectionals (of any sort). I thought choir was yet another tedious CCA joined to quit afterwards.

Had it not been the encouragement from my loved ones, I would have long discontinued my journey as a choir member. To put it shortly, my parents were hesitant in signing the letter to opt out. They asked me to reconsider before coming to a final decision. Miraculously, I stayed till the end of Primary six. That was when I started feeling emotionally attached to music and singing in particular. I decided to join choir again in Secondary school. It was no doubt I made the best choice in sixteen years of my life. To reinvent myself in a CCA so familiar.

Choir has exposed me to many types of song genres, languages and compositions. I decided to put in more effort at the beginning of my Secondary school life by opening up, making friends and knowing what or how to sing a song well. Basically, I learned values like confidence, teamwork, perseverance and many more. Without taking the risk, I would have always been a turtle inside the shell, never coming out to see the beauty outside, never getting to interact with new faces or even so, never making the connection with music. If I had quit, I would not have had the opportunity to become sectional leader for Soprano Two. I would just be the same old me. No predominant experience of bumping into furniture, stopping, thinking and starting again to extend my reach into the room.

If the younger me were to think of who I am now, it might have completely sounded inane. Life is a battle after all. Each day, I am actually fighting with my inner voice. What really matters to me is the ability to overcome the negative one in my head. Instead of just easily giving up on an interest, I should carry it further by putting in more effort. After all, I do not believe in such terms "efforts gone to a waste" or "achieved nothing at the end" when I do something. I believe that experiences are lessons that will guide us in every situation.


---

I owe y'all and explanation of how my life is now. It is really occupied, to be honest. I have been coming back home pretty late each day because of school. It is fun though. I love taking long train rides, interacting and smiling like there's no tomorrow. That optimism though, eheheheh! I came to realize that there is no point lamenting over things I cannot change.

Polytechnic life has been an eye-opener to me. People from ALL WALKS OF LIFE coming together to attain a higher education. The difference between Secondary and Poly life is that in Poly, there are far more group projects and presentations. Students are free to roam about anywhere during their lunch break. Bring in drinks into the classroom. Express themselves with fashion. Sign up for many activities happening around school. Take initiative to do things. And get to work and talk with different people. Classes change every semester so by the end of the day, I will get to know most of my course mates. Switching classes definitely prevent us from forming cliques/ sticking to the same group of people. That is, if you see it from the positive side.

Everybody is allowed to take part in CCAs (what we call: IGs (interest groups) here). Although they are not compulsory, I insisted myself to take up one for exposure.

Initially, I wanted to join something new. Instead of going back to performing arts, I would like to take part in something sporty. To keep it short, I didn't manage to go for two out of three trials due to some valid reasons. I also failed one trial because I couldn't play decently. Hitting a nerve is no joke. My left side of the inner thigh muscles were basically "dysfunctional". If someone were to observe me carefully (o-hoho), you will see me wobbling. Back at that time, I could be like "what a timing" or "just my luck".

Now that I think of it... it might be the universe calling out to me. A blessing in disguise.

That week was something. Not only am I able to stepped out of my comfort zone, but got to interact with new unseen faces. I wouldn't get opportunities to talk to these faces because they're from other schools at my Poly. We're all 'far away' from one another and don't meet easily on a daily basis.

I also attended an open singing class, as prompted by some of my current classmates. That was unknowingly a life-changing game; a new evolving plan for me. I had this sudden feel to try out for an audition because I really enjoyed the class, and the vibes from some people there. Fast-forward: I got in. I got into my school's a capella group! I fairly think it was partially because of my experience in choir (which I am beyond appreciative of, by the way).

I hope I get my point across for this post. I linked my current life situation to the essay I wrote (and am proud of) a year back. Just so to let y'all know that there is always a plan for you, though it might not seem obvious. Even if expectations don't meet the reality, the reality could still be someone else's dream. Yes, you are living someone else's dream!  If you continued engaging in a sport for example, please know that not everybody is fortunate enough as you to land themselves into a team at large.

Calista & her singing journey part III - 8 years+ and counting.

Taking off.

Not that I want it to be

My tears are always frozen
I can see the air I breathe
Got my fingers painting pictures
On the glass in front of me
Lay me by the frozen river
Where the boats have passed me by
All I need is to remember
How it was to feel alive - Aurora

Honestly, the more I think about something, the more unsure I get. And so it concludes, I shouldn't think too much. Worrying too much for the future doesn't help.

But its hard.

Thoughts are ever-flowing. Its not like I can be completely in control. Awakening and then sleeping back. The repetition.

I get weary. And at times stony. Its 'funny' when I have those monotonous, tedious days.

Fear that stops me from going on. Hence, the lack of ideas; artist's block.

I can think to the point that I stopped thinking.


Do you ever feel that way too?

The not pretty side of me

I woke up with
mucus and dust
dry face and never glam

Messy bed sheets
Tossed whatever

Fallen strands of hair
Dead skin cells
excessive bits from my body

Unwanted litter
used tissue papers and plastic cutlery
thrown into the bin


I woke up with
mucus and dust
dry face and never glam

Messy bed sheets
Tossed whatever

I eat
but not always healthy
just to fill my stomach

Sometimes
there are visible sweat stains
on my shirt and under my pits


I woke up with
mucus and dust
dry face and never glam

Messy bed sheets
Tossed whatever

These emotions
causing an outbreak
never pleasant

Using my five senses
only to know
I am overusing them afterwards


Each day the cycle repeats
I can never get tired of it
to look presentable for the world

Maintaining good hygiene
Looking at others the same

Are you not part of this yet
Come join the team
We are all a hot mess

1 A.M. and help

"Oh, what can I do?
Nothing, my sparrow blue
Oh, what can I do?
Life is beautiful but you don't have a clue
Sun and ocean blue
Their magnificence, it don't make sense to you" -  Lana's "black beauty"

When you really think about it, the MAJOR thing that causes you to be upset are those endless thoughts running behind your head. 

Whatever you are thinking,  you are 99% right.  "What can I do? How can I help myself from feeling shitty?" Really, stop thinking. Meditate. Well,  research on what meditation is. It comes in slightly different forms.

Yes yes... you may say I don't understand. But look at where I've come. From being laughed and gossiped at when I was younger, getting disliked just because what...I seemed very quiet and show weird expressions...,  from having difficulty expressing myself, from feeling a million of feelings that were hard to overcome at that time...overthinking and losing hope etc etc. I am proud of myself now; I can sincerely say that. Its because of these difficult situations that made me stronger as a person. We all have it rough. But then again, there are people who had it worse. But they still managed to get out of it. You can too. That is, if you let those negative bars placed inside your mind set free. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Not in a complacent way of course.

Take a nap. Sleep well. Eat healthy. Love your body. What you eat is what makes you.  You are putting nutrients inside your body for functional purposes. To carry on till death naturally sets you away from this life.

Good day y'all.

T&O: The multiple perspectives & feelings

Quite some time since I touch on my "T&O" topics. Gah!

For the past decade, I've tried living with different versions of me. What are you talking about now, Cal? Well,  I just feel the need to rephrase how I often describe myself.  A person who is a made up of a lil bitsy of this and that. In school,  I am often counted as reserved, less talkative, serious yadda yadda (for those who seem to know me quite well,  you are excluded). At home,  I am a more outspoken and emotional kind of human. Yes,  BY SAYING THESE THINGS ABOVE,  NOT EVERY HUMAN BEING WILL GET WHAT I MEANT, FURTHERMORE,  HOW I FEEL. 

But thats okay.  

Life can be a complete irony. #DeepLOL

Now lets play a role-playing game here.  

I listed out some human characteristics, and portray them with possibilities of how they will think and react to situations. 

Pardon me for this sudden classification. There are no right and wrong answers,  okay? 

Take note: There are many forms of introverts and extroverts, even the in-between(s). I am just generalizing both.

• The nice person's POV:

"I'm the happiest when I make someone else happy. "

"Yes Yes thank you for telling me continuously.  Being too nice CAN BE A WEAKNESS. How many times must I hear it dearies? Will you believe me if I say I know where my limitations are? Maybe,  maybe not." 

"Its PART of me to fulfill my wish of helping someone in need.  Is there anything wrong?"

"I don't care what they say,  if I believe in It, I will still stick to my own principles."

• The quiet/ serious person's POV:

"Hey words aren't meant to be blurted out anyhow. They can cause unhappiness and tension when used inappropriately."

"I am thinking how to put words into good use. This is so much better than plainly uttering irrelevant things. "

"Nope, getting the limelight/ attention is not what I want. I am happy just the way I am. Working behind-the-scenes." 

"Honestly,  I am irritated with people that keep repeating their words unnecessarily. Eg.  Oh why are you so quiet? Like hello,  that is YOUR opinion. Perhaps I am too quiet and boring for you. But If you still don't get me, bye! "

"I want results. Not cheap talks." 

• The introvert's POV:

"Ahh,  I cherish my alone times a lot! Thats when I get to reflect about life the most. And recharge myself after a long day with humans."

"SUCH A GOOD unwinding time!"

"I JUST ENJOY LISTENING TO THE SILENCE. FEELING THAT STILL AIR AROUND ME. "

"Hmm... Books,  movies or writing?"

"Hey...did you hear the rhythm of nature?" 

"I love observing others. Analyzing and concluding things around me."

"Urgh pretty self-conscious sometimes."

"But that doesn't mean I don't want to socialize at all. I want to.  Just give me a few minutes to get ready. Re-energize."

• The extrovert's POV:

"Loves to be around people.  Loves making them smile."

"Hey but really,  who cares too much about what others think about me. FINE,  I respect their opinions. But that's all that matters."

"PARTY! THAT ANDRENALIN WITHIN IS ACTING UP."

"Let me dance to the beats. Let me sing for joy. "

"Meeting new people and making new friends is the best!" 

"Hey,  what do you think.... " Yes engaging in conversations. Enquiring around etc. 

"Lets go out to have some fun."

"When I want to cry, I cry. When I want to laugh, I laugh. That's how good I am at voicing out how I feel."

• The happy/confident  person's POV:

"Negative emotions only causes more unrest /sigh/." 

"I CHOOSE to be optimistic. Or am I naturally one? "

"I sort of love the attention I am receiving currently.  Oh well." 

"When people look at me,  I look at them back straight. Or maybe with a smile"

"Ahh let me stay out of that conflict. After all,  I don't wanna get involved in an unnecessary tension."

"OKAY CAN. "

"Sometimes ignorance is bliss." 

"HAHAHAHA WEEHEHEHEHE." *Actually laughing at my own inner jokes that nobody knows about. Turned out to be a mad person outside.* 

"-INNER PEACE- - MINDFULNESS-"

"I believe in myself."

"Humans are lovely." *Inserts cheesy lines that makes one happy anyways*

"I have the ability to stand up when I fall. I am proud of myself for picking myself up. "

/Continues thinking all possible happy thoughts out. Making no room for doubts ever./

• The sad/ negative person's POV:

"Why do they keep calling people names... this isn't the way to go. I can't help it either. Urgh... I feel helpless!"

"Hey can't we all have ____ equality?! I am so done with discrimination and prejudice happening in some parts of the world."

"I am tired. Of School...Life...Work...The routine...The people /whole chunk of unhappy thoughts and reasons generated from the brain/." Try to overcome it my dear, or seek help.

"Its not that I want to give up, its just that I have had enough, But I am also afraid at the same time. What is this mixed up feeling?"

/Shoot out almost all excuses/

/Happens to be overly dramatic./

/Eats a lot./

/Eats very less./

"Oh...my sudden outburst again... The usual hormonal changes I guess."

Girl: "Ouh...is my period coming again?"

"Do people really love/like me?"

"DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG ?" 

"What have I done?"

/self conscious/

Yadda yadda yadda

-

These are frequent emotions right? Just grouped them up for easy description. 

You know what I learned recently? (you may skip this part if you are already bored) Emotions are energy,  no,  WE are all energy in motion.  What we are feeling now will not always last, it will come and go. If we are happy, if we are sad or angry.... feelings just travel around, that's all. A specific one doesn't linger for eternity.

We all already have a home: our body, the outer shell is our home for this "energy". Enveloped under the entire universe, we are just little tiny things. Yikes, I'm having difficulty expressing at this point. But I will try. One day, hopefully, we will see that overwhelming light (brightness) that will guide us. No fear, just this very "soul". Yes, I am talking about death.

Y'all might not agree, but that's okay with me either. I wouldn't mind y'all objecting to it.

Hehehe I will stop here...to keep things short and simple.

Have a nice day everyone!


HAPPY FIRST OF JULY 2015. HALF OF THE YEAR HAD OFFICIALLY PAST! 

Comforting words...

Credits: here

Interesting yet terrifying how so many things are processed in this little space called the brain within minutes.

"Everyone is crazy, Everyone thinks. You,  me,  us."

I created a pretty "funny way" to deal with myself when I'm feeling below average. So here It goes...

Visualize it honey. Imagine there's another me beside me,  genetically similar to who I am, someone who's made up of same chromosomes. Thinks the way I do,  behaves like me too.  What will I tell her if she's feeling down? Like a friend that empathize,  I will comfort her,  tell her I understand because we are connected. Our thoughts intersect. "Well,  you are duplicated from me after all." We can also appreciate Biology. The inner contents in our bodies (the organs, muscle etc.) are working for us.

Think of all great inventions and breakthrough.  They are remarkable achievements attained from humans. Things worth celebrating. For example, the smartphone I am holding onto now... The features, functions, applications,  design etc.  Masterminded by the big 'H'. Why am I saying this? Because I feel inspired by this thought: Everyone is capable. Everyone have that something within,  something that can lit up and shine no matter how thin that silver lining is. Be It from creating art, exploring something new things, coming up with new ideas,  making another soul smile etc. Without darkness, stars can't shine. Without a climax,  life is boring. I will not know what being "human" really is. Nor will I discover a world so painstakingly beautiful.

Without a life, I might never know what feelings, thoughts and emotions are. Nor will I ever hear my first cry and laughter. Since I am already here, why don't I seize the aliveness within... and make my living worthwhile? After all, you and I: we are here to make ourselves. Stay true, be yourself is a pretty vague statement, don't you think (if you see where I'm coming from)? Stay true. An overrated statement that confuses me sometimes. That was partially what I'm trying to explain/ interpret in one of my short stories earlier here.

"My dear friend, yes... You (I), have come a long way. It would be such a waste to give up now. Years and years of living, lets just let nature and time decide on certain things. Please...please enjoy this current moment."

Things can get messy many a time. But pulling through, finding the strength and getting back up is part of living. I am not alone. Everyone is part of this race.


Alright, till next time buddies. Be safe.

Fey's little story: Individuality

I decided to make another label called "Sta's little stories". Decided to test things out here. Experimentation. 


-

Difference lies within one that no one else has.

Its true that one knows himself best, and no soul will get in to Calvin's root for actual thoughts and commands.

Him being the oddball, has his own plus and minuses. Yes. he can be pretty understanding and respected by others. But the thing is... Did he get a taste of what true loneliness is?

Funny.

The art created out as a form of self expression can often be seen as an absolute "other person's" way, deriving from interpretations. As a result, misleading the whole masterpiece. Simply making Calvin, the creator, live in his own crafted land with fragments of his own "worthy people". Still taste of lonesome.

"No one will ever understand me the way I want." Calvin silently said to himself.

This is a crazy world, with people telling one another to "stay true, be themselves...". In actual fact, the truth is distorted. People being part of the crowd unknowingly. Like living in neatly aligned houses, or birds locked up in their cages. Brainwashed since early days.

Everyone telling others off, thinking their always right, for they end their titles with a full stop. No exceptions. "Stay true"- the word has been abused and misused a lot. How do Calvin find his "stay true" when he does not know where to look and start at? Or after he was molded and shaped by society to stay that way.

"No, your not supposed to act this way."

"You have to be like that (personality, style wise)."

"Why born and raised as a guy to be someone "different" afterwards."

Aside from genes being passed down from early generations, life does not offer a clear line between who he already is. and who they are. It only gives a chance to create an identity, enhance the inner self, and choose which pathway to go next.

Tch tch tch...

This is a stereotype-free world, he wrote it. Scribbling down basic details. People with multiple personalities; all kinds of lines and curves. Like geometry in math.

Cave in is the world surrounded by trees of various shapes and sizes, with several tones of greens, blues and reds. Faraway, beyond the descending fog, lies a great wooden bridge. A place where youngsters hangout. Couples sitting on benches near the silk, classy like waters, whispering rhythms of silence.

And the older ones? Well, they meditate, work consistently and smartly in their own boxes. At times, teach the youngsters how to face certain things. Wisdom. Drive them to have the willpower.

No one has been up to one's ears in worry while they're there, a magnificent place to be.

For once, citizens in Cave in are free to switch and play with styles and roles. Jump from box to box. Get an exposure to the real kingdom and make lesser critics. Be unique. New rules made since then. He declared it.

At least that happens in Cave in.

At least the king in the book declared it.

Calvin flipped it to a brand new page.

---- ----- ---- ------ ---- ------ ---- ----- ---- ------ ---- ------ ---- ----- ---- ------ ---- ----

Sta Fey M

"Clearing business" going on

"What are you doing right now, Cal...Sta...Fey?"

Well, I am in the process of deactivating (deleting) many accounts I created or signed up for last time. They include social networks like Twitter, Ask.fm, and Tumblr... Yes it is my decision to do so and HONESTLY, measures are taken for the better, at least for me. A few reasons why:

• Tired, repetitive - Specifically Ask.fm. Initially, I can't bring myself to delete it because some people were really nice. I was told by them about how they like reading my answers, all for enjoyment and positive purposes. It was pretty tough, especially how socializing and making friends online had become a chore for most teenagers these days. I have tried deleting my ask.fm account once, but of no great use, because I went back to it afterwards. However, this is official: I will emphasize on the word, 'official' because writing on this blog means seriousness from Sta. Don't you think? Gahahaha. I realized something: my answers are on repeat!! I mean, the questions "they" asked were pretty much similar as time goes by, hence, the answers too. Its like a what-goes-around-comes-back-around thing I guess. Its getting rather tedious. I want to experience new things. I don't wanna sit there, only to go through the same routine all over again. Thanks, but no thanks.

• Continue staying true - Sometimes I cannot see a distinctive border between who is controlling what, or what is controlling who. I tend to get drawn away by social medias such as Twitter and Tumblr last time. I got addicted to it, sorta. As a result, neglecting family and things happening at home. Also, the thing I figured about them 'trendy' sites is that: they have strong influential abilities, and one gotta have a balance between reality and virtual world. In this case, I am implying about those "perfect" people that are often seen online, living extremely good lives with particular styles and personalities, often admired by many. I kept reminding myself that those were only PART OF THE TRUTH... And that everyone, at some point in their lives... do face setbacks. Moreover, I don't have to become one of them, right? I can learn good values from them, but don't necessarily need to act and dress the way they are to be socially accepted. After all, it is my life and I can live it however I want. Of course, consequences included.

• Inactive, MIA for a long time - Kekekeke! We all have accounts that were created for experimentation purposes. Be it, because of friends talking about how good they are, or just simply peer pressure. Yes, no exception for me too -- HIGH FIVE DUDES! Personally, I feel good cleaning up things I don't want anymore. It is like hmm... moving on... somehow...

• Concentrate on other things - Fret not y'all, I still have my first loves --- no, still loves Blogger, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube to interact with. Oh, and also the pretty newly converted 'Google+' account. Obviously, there are reasons to keep them in comparison to all social networks upon deactivation. All's well that ends well. Period.

Alright. Four reasons and the post already covered many things I have in mind! Of course, I am just sharing my personal thoughts, thus, I am not convincing anyone to do the same thing as me. If y'all insist on keeping some of your accounts, it is TOTALLY cool with me /nods head/. Okay? 

Where do these sudden actions came from, anyways? I was watching a video by Chelsea Crokett, also known as BeautyLiciousInsider on YouTube. One of her videos really got into me. It makes me ponder about certain network issues, before coming into a conclusion, a pretty big decision to make actually. The video? Here you go. 

It is never easy living with change. Yesterday, there was a workshop held in school regarding finance. Then, there was this particular quote about habits: "It takes 21 days to keep a habit, but 7 days to break them". Hopefully, I will not go back to my old addictive ways. Instead, I should live my life fully and simply learn to enjoy each day.

Thank you for reading!

CP

A complete mess

Hot tears streaming down the face.
Tears of hurt, mistakenly false self, and partial guilt.
Dried water and hair stucked onto the corners of the eyes.
Things doesn't need to end up this way.

Days after days of holding oneself up,
Confusing who one truly is,
"Are we this or that?"
"What's with truly believing in one specific religion, or belief system?"
"Why is there so much peer (or not) influence going on?"
"What if people nearest to us turn their backs eventually?"
5 Ws1H
What a complicated life this is.

It all led to this point
that humans, despite unconditionally loving people,
will eventually hurt them.
Everyone is naturally selfish, emotional
& tangled up.
Then at some points we are worrisome monsters.
All similar weaknesses.

So it concludes,
We are all living a complete mess.
A puzzle to solve - life.
A beautiful tragedy.
Anti straight lines.
Curves and edges.

Story of our lives / T&O: Understanding

I don't know why, but I felt the urge to post something.
My brain can be a wondrous tiny place, it processes the most random things out.

Let my serious//random side show then.

This will become some small blabber by Sta yo. But um...finally...another T&O topic! x'D
-

credits: here

In some or most of my previous posts, I do realized this fact about me: emphasizing readers to have a great amount of understanding for other fellow human beings. But then again, despite all "saintly" advice I gave from most of my blog post entries... many a time, I know it is not easy to follow nor empathize with others . No one is perfect, remember? I don't make an exception either. But that does not mean I shall give up trying. I believe in taking one step by one step to fulfill certain goals.

Yes,  I might not get to experience what other people go/gone through, therefore whatever strong feelings they foster from within, I will not completely feel the way they do. To be frank, not even the so-called "psychic" people around me, will get to know what one truly feels every-single-time. Instincts, theories, assumptions and interpretations are the things that keep conclusions going.

From here onward, I would love to elaborate more on what "understanding" is for me.

Humans are more than colors, more than plant types, more than animals (even some of them show emotions)... the list goes on. Truly, it is a privilege to be raised as a human, because humanity is the most intelligent one out of thousands of other living things.

But --people tend to overlook that point and many other good things by bringing people around them down, how wasted! I mean c'mon... that's not a smart move. (ME INCLUDED)

For instance, I see people judging one another too easily without basic understanding, always involving the "I...I...I" factor in various ways; the egoistic nature. I read books relating to EGO and they all begin inside the mind.

After all, the mind is the major root to all thought processes. I see why meditation is very practical for some. They know when to.."rest" their minds. Hear their thoughts without giving feedback. Free from negativity, just wanting that peaceful, undisturbed moment. Then wishing everyone with good prayers after settling down. When times get rough, I see the need to take away thoughts that revolves only around me, and spare some other ones for "no-me-being-a-bitch" things like enjoying nature, watching documentaries that involve others' lives or simply keeping silent. Why don't I listen more? I remind myself this sentence frequently, over and over again.

Hence, instead of having songs or titles like "story of MY life", I replaced it with "story of OUR LIVES". Its not just ourselves, but Everyone plays a part in making a story called Earth. No exceptions. Everyone ought to understand people around them. 

I guess as being humans... we tend to get placed into vulnerable moments. After our downfall, we eventually blame things around us. Personally, I like blaming some of my love-ones, I like blaming the weather... I like blaming my fate, my whatever you can think of... including myself. Crazy, isn't it?

But those things only got processed out from the brain. 

When I think deeper and straighter, the chances of things I mentioned that were at fault, are completely illusions. They weren't at fault, silly. Its just how things happen for a reason. It is my destiny to face certain things, and it is your destiny to face yours.  I can choose to ride along with life aka a sweet struggle and adventure, or sit there and cry over spilled milk, dragging others into my unhappiness. But one thing's for sure: the latter one will bring me to no good ending.

LESSON #59.

If I learned something new this year, it would be the fact that the world do not just go around with my way of thinking. Others have feelings too. It is easy to say, but hard to act out as if I really understand and attend to someone else's needs and point of view. Lets say for example.. when a parent is disciplining or scolding his/her daughter out of worry, the son stands on a whole new level to protect his sister from getting hurt or sad. He ended up "talking back" to the parent. As a result? The parent and son clashes. Maybe they'll quarrel, maybe they'll sort things out.

As I'm writing this down, again...it is my way of expressing things from within. See the relationship? Not everyone will agree with what I wrote.

I don't think I am the only one reflecting on these things right? I believe in my lovely, positive, life beauty community, be it on Google+..Youtube etc.

Here's a piece of Cal's thought processes for you!

Have a wonderful life y'all. See you with another post soon.
That being said, I know you know what is coming up!

CP

Things to learn from kids (Kota Kinabalu OSL)

If y'all wondering what 'OSL' is, it stands for Overseas Learning.

Yes, that is the reason why I was absent for the last couple of days. I was out of Singapore for awhile with some of my schoolmates. If you follow me on Instagram, you will know. The trip was really worthwhile, I would say.

It was refreshing. I really wanted to get out of the city and enjoy what nature has really provided. That moment when I simply wanted the fresh unpolluted air, breathing in the strong nature essences, take a break from noises that wears me out. I could find them at Kota Kinabalu, fortunately. I have traveled to KK a few times now, partly because a relative of mine works there. I was not exactly appreciative of its nature the first few times I visited, because excusably, I was still a child then. However, with the amount of workload received each day, and the repetition of routines gone through as I grow older, I feel the urge to "stop" for awhile and replenish my energy level. Hence, escaping to somewhere magnificent; someplace where tall buildings and bright lights are 'far away'.

Really hope I could keep this relaxed mood up even after things get tougher, when you know..after turning into an official adult (which will be ten times harder obviously).

Anyways, lets get back to the School's Overseas Trip before things go out of track.

...

The teachers provided students with booklets to do reflections each day (which for. me...I did crap). I was thinking of writing my heartfelt words here on CP instead *insert laughter* (so me).

The main motive for us to go to KK was to conduct lessons in a school far off the main city area; a countryside or village on a hilltop. We are also there to play a part in creating stairs (in between a really steep slope) and painting the library walls. The whole experience was something new for me.

Lets start off with interaction. The kids there speak something else, that is totally far off from English. Hence, my classmates and I had difficulty communicating with them at first. However, as time gradually passed by, we somehow get the hymn of what we all are trying to tell each other. We tried translating and playing with words, using hand signs and real life objects to direct at something. Also, "Smiling is the bomb, it brings out a special bond." I find that by smiling, we are actually connecting with people.

From here on, I am going to just list out things I learnt from those kids:

1) Enthusiasm. Bored or uninterested, the kids we taught did not show it at all. While we were sort of "struggling" with conducting an English lesson for them, they patiently waited and still.. engaged in it. Tried their best to be responsive and cheerful. Very admirable learning attitude, indeed.

2) Hardworking nature. Some of them in class have the chance to go real far, because of having a successor's mind. Despite having difficulties in their work, they tried their best to overcome it by listening to what one of a higher authority had to say. By this, they are creating a plaform to improve and enhance their range of knowledge. They have that intuitive mind because I saw them thinking among themselves till they came to a conclusion, and got something right.

3) Good peer pressure. They can be playful, laugh at their friends, joke around. But one thing is for sure: they mean no harm. Its just kids being kids, we say. Something that amazed me from one of these kiddos is that he knew when to stop talking and pay attention. He directed his friend (table partner) to do the same to as well; which is to not get distracted by irrelevant commotion at the back. Of course, the friend listened to him. I give my full respect for that.

4) Teamwork. "We're all each others' Team, and you know.. - Lorde".
It was only when we played Football on the muddy grounds did I see how united the kids were. Yes, they were not quite ready to form a mixed team at first, but they did not complain either. Instead, they gave it their all when they played. When somebody hit someone, those kids helped. The one that got sort of "hit" did not just stand there and cry. Instead, the match went on.

5) Appreciative. In the littlest of things they have, they see the joy, the light. They displayed out that contentment they had within...and I totally felt the vibes from some of them. I was giving out sweets and gifts to kids from the class I was teaching, and most of them gave out that sweet smile and said a word of thanks. How pleasant. And warm. Their happiness is contagious!

Five things and already so much to learn from. Those kids are so inspirational and amazing.

Now that I see the need to end the "essay" here, I am going to upload some photos. Do scroll down.

If you see closely, you'll see poop hehehe. Not that you're going to see anyway. 

My favorite photo, a thing about darkness and light from my hotel room.

Lets proceed on by showing pictures of the school!

"Knowledge is Power",

While we were conducting Art & Craft lessons. And I probably sucked at origami I say.

Alright those were the photos I felt like posting.

Have a fruitful day all!

Loves,
CP

City Nightime

One fine windy night, I was looking out from the windows. Enjoying, simply feeling and loving the moment. 

Soft breeze blowing onto my face,
receiving gentle and cool kisses.
Fresh air retrieved.
For once living in the city seems magnificent.

Looking on a bird's eye view,
people are just tiny creatures.
Walking down pavements,
crossing the roads.

Engine running from buses,
shady trees camouflaging,
variegated leaves,
so beautiful.

Oh could I draw the trees?

Silent night,
with added drip drops at some points
I am alone yet not alone.
The things are quiet but alive.

Purplish dark blue red skies,
I feel relaxation.
The breeze was still a while.
Sleep time.

I think I wander

credits: http://wordsbynowak.com/

"What kind of title is that, you asked?"
Another 'penny for my thoughts' post huh? Blame my dreaminess.

I am back with lesser burdens and many loves! Haha not funny. Just plainly wanting to talk to you readers who are currently reading this (like duh). Its Cal's heart connecting to y'all, will you accept, or ignore? If its the latter, leave lovely, leave. And at this point of time, I feel bad already. No no no wait, you came here for a reason, didn't you? So stay.

Vrooom I go straight to my point. Ride that motorbike with me awesome!

-

Sometimes I wonder if there is someday...
THE DAY WHEN
well... there's no fame, no hatred & no desires or better... sufferings, where everyone is labelled as middle persons. Fair, and learning to feel contentment and appreciate their current positions.

If that is really really possible, that would be brilliant and great.

The thing is, the land keeps changing, people starts to contract diseases sometimes, we are raised differently, therefore the language barriers, misconceptions, misunderstandings and as it turns out: the unrest and conflicts between each other.

Not all of us are fortune-tellers. Therefore we cannot confirm there will be a natural disaster tomorrow, nor can we predict what disease/cancer we might suffer from. It is so unfair right? I can't help it either. But there is that tad bit of hope that could minimize the situations mentioned above. If there is a day when scientists/people could make tablets, potions or anything that could cure at least some diseases. If people could make antibiotics, why not? Soo not easy as it seemed, I know. On the other hand, I am thankful because with the help of the current weather forecasts, people are pretty much keeping track of the temperature and weather. Thank you humans from the past!

Creation can be both a beautiful, yet scary thing.

Yes, people create things to improve society, raise a country's economy and ease the workload received each day. Those are the privileges when technology advances. But when someone wants to make use of the advantage, to maximize it to full potential (they think), comes the hunger and greed, then the destruction of oneself, and those around them. When we want something, many a time we are told to go for it. But some things lead people to go bonkers. Mistakes shown from our earlier generations, could be prevented. To feel happy, one does not need the power to conquer a land, make an army, force the shit out of others to obey him/her nor become famous (because besides from the pros, I can taste the cons in it too, many of it). I understand why one wants to do that though, the lack of love and satisfaction from within. Admittedly, people love the attention sometimes, I will not be an exception either. Breeding greedy thoughts will only direct people to become worse, and self-conceited. Too often people got strayed away from those who really cherish them, leaving them to taste the actual loneliness aka darkness.

WHAT IF we teach the younger generations empathy and kindness since young? Will they grow up to be more accepting? Honestly, the world can be mentioned as big and small, not everyone will receive the same amount of care and concern given out by older age groups. But still... there is that littlest of faith from people who cares.

Hence, can peace and stability be really attained? To an extent, yes. But I don't think perfection is found anywhere in this world, or so I learned. There will be times when amendment is needed to keep the world going, maybe that's why the world is round (coughs* you get the relation), it turns...and turns. Sorry for my far-fetched thinking, people can totally put critics on it.

 If any of you asked me about world peace, I would answer by saying that I am on the neutral side. Of course I would love to have that, where really...under the vast sky, everybody is made equal. However, with the varying thought processes, and the fundamental of human beings, there will always be times when we get carried away with just ourselves, not sparing any thoughts for others. The selfish and egoistic nature, we call it. Hey don't get me wrong alright, I never say peace cannot be achieved, its just that much efforts are needed to see changes to this world.