Figure Eighteen

Butterfly with its wings flapping wide open;
Flutters and sparks fly;
The knowing and reenactment with thyself;


I am finally eighteen. In layman terms, I am legitimately legal. It is my time to shine (I guess).

I have mixed feelings about that.

On one side, I am glad I could make decisions for myself. On another, I feel like there's a heavy responsibility weighing down against me. Is this how entering adulthood feels like? I mean yes, dealing with all kinds of people, paying the bills, learning new things each day.... but how about my mental capabilities - how much can I handle to be deemed as 'strong'?


I wish I could transcend both physically and spiritually.


Happy Belated Birthday to Sta Fey. 


The people who played a part on this day, you guys are appreciated. I love every single one of you! *Virtual Hugs*

Classmates who celebrated with me.
People who wished on social media platforms.
Family members who came down for dinner.


Blessed is Sta Fey. Even from the slightest details like physiological needs. Passing the magic around and about. X

Differing plans

credits: here 

"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." - Dalai Lama

"When one door closes, another opens." - Hellen Keller


I wanted to share an essay I wrote for English class last year.

Topic: What do you consider to be your greatest achievement? Why does it mean so much to you?

I have had several joyous moments in life. My achievements play a huge part in bringing one joy. The greatest achievement I consider having would be getting a leadership role in my CCA (Co-Curricular Activity), choir. I would love to quote out this extract from a book called "The Talent Code" by Daniel Coyle: "Deep practice feels a bit like exploring a dark and unfamiliar room. You start slowly, you bump into furniture, stop, think and start again. Slowly and a little painfully, you explore the space over and over, attending to errors, extending your reach into the room a bit further each time, building a mental map until you can move through it quickly and intuitively." Personally, the 'dark' and 'unfamiliar' room here symbolizes the challenges faced during every choir practice.

My eight years in choir, struggling to become an even better person as a whole made me learn a lot about life, how the values cultivated during lessons are equally applicable in the real world. I started off joining choir as a complete newbie, without any music background or knowledge. I still remember my very first day. I was a primary two student, a very anti-social and quiet one with just one or two friends. Looking back, the me then would not have believed how much things changed. Ironically, the mindset I had during my primary school days was the thought of not making it worthwhile in the CCA. Reason being: I found it hard socializing and felt nervous whenever there were sectionals (of any sort). I thought choir was yet another tedious CCA joined to quit afterwards.

Had it not been the encouragement from my loved ones, I would have long discontinued my journey as a choir member. To put it shortly, my parents were hesitant in signing the letter to opt out. They asked me to reconsider before coming to a final decision. Miraculously, I stayed till the end of Primary six. That was when I started feeling emotionally attached to music and singing in particular. I decided to join choir again in Secondary school. It was no doubt I made the best choice in sixteen years of my life. To reinvent myself in a CCA so familiar.

Choir has exposed me to many types of song genres, languages and compositions. I decided to put in more effort at the beginning of my Secondary school life by opening up, making friends and knowing what or how to sing a song well. Basically, I learned values like confidence, teamwork, perseverance and many more. Without taking the risk, I would have always been a turtle inside the shell, never coming out to see the beauty outside, never getting to interact with new faces or even so, never making the connection with music. If I had quit, I would not have had the opportunity to become sectional leader for Soprano Two. I would just be the same old me. No predominant experience of bumping into furniture, stopping, thinking and starting again to extend my reach into the room.

If the younger me were to think of who I am now, it might have completely sounded inane. Life is a battle after all. Each day, I am actually fighting with my inner voice. What really matters to me is the ability to overcome the negative one in my head. Instead of just easily giving up on an interest, I should carry it further by putting in more effort. After all, I do not believe in such terms "efforts gone to a waste" or "achieved nothing at the end" when I do something. I believe that experiences are lessons that will guide us in every situation.


---

I owe y'all and explanation of how my life is now. It is really occupied, to be honest. I have been coming back home pretty late each day because of school. It is fun though. I love taking long train rides, interacting and smiling like there's no tomorrow. That optimism though, eheheheh! I came to realize that there is no point lamenting over things I cannot change.

Polytechnic life has been an eye-opener to me. People from ALL WALKS OF LIFE coming together to attain a higher education. The difference between Secondary and Poly life is that in Poly, there are far more group projects and presentations. Students are free to roam about anywhere during their lunch break. Bring in drinks into the classroom. Express themselves with fashion. Sign up for many activities happening around school. Take initiative to do things. And get to work and talk with different people. Classes change every semester so by the end of the day, I will get to know most of my course mates. Switching classes definitely prevent us from forming cliques/ sticking to the same group of people. That is, if you see it from the positive side.

Everybody is allowed to take part in CCAs (what we call: IGs (interest groups) here). Although they are not compulsory, I insisted myself to take up one for exposure.

Initially, I wanted to join something new. Instead of going back to performing arts, I would like to take part in something sporty. To keep it short, I didn't manage to go for two out of three trials due to some valid reasons. I also failed one trial because I couldn't play decently. Hitting a nerve is no joke. My left side of the inner thigh muscles were basically "dysfunctional". If someone were to observe me carefully (o-hoho), you will see me wobbling. Back at that time, I could be like "what a timing" or "just my luck".

Now that I think of it... it might be the universe calling out to me. A blessing in disguise.

That week was something. Not only am I able to stepped out of my comfort zone, but got to interact with new unseen faces. I wouldn't get opportunities to talk to these faces because they're from other schools at my Poly. We're all 'far away' from one another and don't meet easily on a daily basis.

I also attended an open singing class, as prompted by some of my current classmates. That was unknowingly a life-changing game; a new evolving plan for me. I had this sudden feel to try out for an audition because I really enjoyed the class, and the vibes from some people there. Fast-forward: I got in. I got into my school's a capella group! I fairly think it was partially because of my experience in choir (which I am beyond appreciative of, by the way).

I hope I get my point across for this post. I linked my current life situation to the essay I wrote (and am proud of) a year back. Just so to let y'all know that there is always a plan for you, though it might not seem obvious. Even if expectations don't meet the reality, the reality could still be someone else's dream. Yes, you are living someone else's dream!  If you continued engaging in a sport for example, please know that not everybody is fortunate enough as you to land themselves into a team at large.

Calista & her singing journey part III - 8 years+ and counting.

Taking off.

To all my juniors.... (3/3)

School days don't last

Imagine sitting down in a classroom full of students. Imagine us wearing a school uniform. Imagine teachers (oh adults...those we want to become (and will eventually)) teaching and scolding us. Imagine feeling young and then old at times. One day, we'll look back at our lives and remember what we did, how we felt while we were younger.

Hello Sta's fellow youngsters...

Make the best out of your YOUTH. Because small (but fun and energetic) details during your young days conclude the whole picture. After all, it is part of your journey.

I know its hard to wake up early each day, just to attend classes. And hear lectures. The "endless" cycle repeats itself. Tedious. On a bright side, you can interact with people from different walks of life. Share moments with your favorite peers (and perhaps...teachers) too.

Let me give you some "big-sis (actually self proclaimed ahaha) advice": Set your mobile phone alarm to a desired ringtone. That way, you can wake up to your favorite music. Oh... and make sure the volume is not too low. Just moderately loud enough for you to hear.

Once you stepped out of your house... look forward to things that excite you. Seek inspiration. Observe your surroundings, they are ever changing. Look directly into the eyes of people (with a slight but not too dramatic smile). At least such things keep your flame burning.

-

365 and approximately a quarter days in a year. At least one third of which are taken up by off-days (as in weekends, public and school holidays). Maybe you have to go back to school even on those days. But c'mon! Be a conqueror, you are already a strong person. Keep it going. You are getting there.

After all, no matter how many complaints you have for it, school can be quite enriching. Nobody can possibly stay home for 24/7 each day, every day. That will not only be detrimental for both physical and mental health, but also prevent you from conversing face-to-face with others.

What makes you so sure you are going to stay focused at home for long? You need to get out there and explore! Some things are better off doing on the spot. With guidance. Getting Practical. Right.

You will only miss school once you're out of it. Seriously.



Everybody wants to get recognized. Recognize yourself first. 

People want to get recognized for their efforts. Either way, we all seek attention sometimes. We want to get understood. We want affection. Maybe its our ego, or our second nature.

Obviously, adolescence isn't just a replacing word for teenage years. It defines the transitional period of being a child to becoming an adult. Puberty. A time where great confusion comes. A time where we want to take drastic actions on creating our identities.

One main advice big sister (I meant myself :p) would like to give you is: listen to your soul; your mind and heart. Be your greatest version - Ralph Smart (favorite spiritual person). Feel good for yourself, not for others. When I say that, I don't mean it to be in an arrogant way. Of course you can be humble towards others, and yet love yourself at the same time.

Not EVERYONE will understand you and your good intentions. Some may even make you feel shitty. But that's their problem, not yours. Focus on things that matter instead.

We all deal with our own internal conflicts. We all have personal problems. We can be quite emotional at times. We use logic to seek truth. And sometimes, creativity. Completely normal, I would say.



We are learning from one another. Learning is lifelong.

I think nobody is dumb at all. In this world. On planet Earth. We grow from our surroundings, the people who taught us and of course..out of our own curiosity.

//COPIED// "The American poet, Walt Whitman, once wrote, “I am large, I contain multitudes.”We have hundreds of layers. These layers shift and blend. They form new permutations every day.We like this and we don’t like that. We are good at this and we are bad at that. We’ve been here and not there. We know this and we don’t know that. For this reason, and this reason alone, we can’t give up. The complexity of our character means there will never be another us. Ever. That’s incredibly precious.
What are we going to create from us?" Source: here

That's a really strong description. Don't y'all think? Thought-provoking too.

We all do things with varying paces and rhythm. Maybe we might not be as good as others in some areas, but we definitely can take in a thing or two from them! Have faith in yourself. Put yourself to get taught first, before teaching others. 

The things you know might not be known to others... Similarly, what others know might not be known to you. Each day we are communicating and exchanging information. We are sort of reminding each other about life in general. Well, minus your own state of solitary (in all spiritual means). That is different.

One more thing....Grades (even IQ scores), do not validate your intelligence level my friend. Given the circumstances of where you work and how much effort you put into it, your results may vary. Whatever it is, just try your best. I'm sure that's what your teachers will tell you as well!



Awareness to/of your being. 

Oh... here's a random note I typed out on my phone a couple of weeks ago:

One day I got tired. Tired of being frequently angry towards my love-ones. Without finding out the root to the problem. 

And hence....

What triggered me to be moody (the possibilities), A Sta Fey guide:

The weather, the temperature, my outfit, my thought on what others think of me (lovely, cute brain indeed). And needless to say, my lack of confidence. Surprisingly, days like this usually fall before my period aka the time of the month. See? Like what I said earlier...chemical imbalances. *laughing*

To put it bluntly, being aware means accepting people for people, things for things. You are conscious of your thoughts. You are being mindful.

Be in the present, be in tune. Try to nurture yourself before handling anything else.


*TO END OFF - before this post gets tremendously long....


You are in power to choose what energy you want to have around.

Pretty self-explanatory on this one, yeah?


Have a brilliant day souls! :'D

To all my juniors.... (2/3)

Seeking comfort in darkness/ external influences
We tend to see lots of content online. Be it Tumblr, Pinterest or any webpage. Opinions are stated (just like my blog, for instance...you don't need to agree with everything I say). We tend to get drawn away by how others are feeling. Their sadness, anger and hurt may become ours.

Not making any sense to you guys?

Basically, we fall prey to our emotions. There are lots of things going on outside. Sometimes, we see and hear too much. From news. From rumors. From little conversations and rants. We store those information to....yeah you guessed it....the brain!

Sure. Those hurt, constant unrest and fear are going about in the world. What can we do about it?

Sending prayers to all humans out there... why not? But what else can we do?

Worrying or feeling sympathetic for long doesn't make anything better.

Put everything away and hear our inner voices - the conscience. Nature can be our best friend. Instead of distracting ourselves with what we cannot change, why not take this time to reflect on the brighter side of things? What we can do with ourselves instead. After all, what can we do about others when we can't even control our existence well?

Bullying/ Gossiping

We might be culprits, victims and witnesses to it. Whichever the case, we all know that bullying is a form of showing weakness. Dragging someone down because of our own insecurities do not make us powerful. True power lies within those who are aware of themselves.

I think I have mentioned this before... I have experienced people talking about me, making false accusations everywhere. Yes, they do not make me feel good at all. I was a sensitive, kind of emotional, shy and quiet kid in school. I got weird stares from people... like " is she even okay?". Got to witness people telling their friends not to befriend me just because I looked different. I know those incidents happened quite some time ago (got so much better now...), but these little fragments of hurt do struck me at times. Making my self-esteem drain a little each time. I get secretly 'assumptious' when people whisper in front or behind me.

What I want to cover for this topic is that sure... people can speak whatever they want, be it true or untrue. They always talk about every single thing we do. They have words for everything, almost. But hey, both you and I are part of the crowd. We do have moments when we hurt someone before, even if it wasn't intentionally.

We all could have been what I mentioned - culprits, victims and witnesses of bullying. Even so, personally, I am trying to regain my own confidence and stay away from toxic conversations. You can too. 

I am sure bullying still happens during adulthood. In a more "advanced" way. Words/phrases like "backstabbing" and "having an agenda" exist for a reason. To keep your conscience or not...it is really up to you.

To all my juniors....(1/3)

( A personal post on becoming Sta Fey )

Honestly, this is also what I will tell my younger self. I know I am still erm... a youth but you get what I meant!

You are growing up. This journey can be tough. It can be long and mentally-draining. But you will get there. You will start figuring out who you are, start differentiating what is good and bad for you. You might hit rock bottom at some points, but that's okay because at the end of the day, you realized how strong you are to have overcome obstacles.

You will get a clearer view on how this world actually functions. Meet new faces, interact and then lose some friends, childhood friends. Parts and parcel of living.

Right now, I just want to share. I have this strong urge to write about my life as Calista F Mar. Things I experienced and felt along my Primary (7-12 y/o) and Secondary (13-16 y/o) journey. I am sure some of y'all will share something similar as me. Some might have it better, some might have it worse.

Personal Affairs
Choose your subject combination wisely. I don't know what your friends or parents or teachers tell you, but you are the one deciding for your future.

For my case, I chose what I feel passionate about. Subjects like Elective Literature and Art. Don't get me wrong, choosing those subjects never made my life easier. In fact, I have to spend more time on Art because of its loooong exams and preparations. But I never regretted my choice. I was ready under all circumstances. I remembered the day before submitting my subject combination, was nervous as hell. Months past, I felt more determined for Art than ever. After having conflicts with my teacher (I know she was concerned). after fighting my own inner-doubts, after crying over it during class. I think that is what passion is like? Sweat. Tears. Determination.

I honestly did have my bottom lows when it comes to upper secondary school life. Maybe twice as many as that of when I was younger. There was a point I nearly went to seek counselling myself but didn't. Funny thing, I actually called their hotline and talked to them. But didn't head down to the place they directed... I wanted to derive at a solution myself. A solution that will overcome my own obstacles.

There was a point I felt really deflated, depressed about everything. I thought I wasn't doing up to par. With me being a human, with me associating with all others. I was falling. Days like these were a complete daze. I felt the need to reconnect with myself. I was stuck. But I never wrote it online. I thought I will only express it when I am officially out of secondary school. Which I am right now.

Things mentioned above... I know I am not the only one, many of my schoolmates I saw, and heard....might also be coming to a phase whereby breakdowns can be quite frequent. We have more moody days. Hormonal changes? Maybe. Getting pressured from external influences? Entering adulthood? Maybe.

Earth is round, so are our daily routines, which is a cycle.
Yeah sure. I am bewildered by this realization. Emotions are energy in motion. Happiness, sadness, love, hate... they come and go, come and go. Just like how we breathe - exhale, inhale. 

The ever-flowing thoughts we have or have had. Sometimes we remember them, but other times? We forget them. Only to recall them later. And so forth.

I think thinking itself is really tiring (that is, if we do it excessively). We tend to build up those little concepts in our head. Running wild internally. I would rather take a nap than to build up irrelevant and "harmful" thoughts in my head.

To be continued...

Days like this...

Not my portable device charger but found it cute soo...peekcha! It was the lady of mine. O.O

Black and white mood.

Have been juggling quite a handful of things altogether. Cannot leave anything at bay, or else the balance would be off (if y'all get what I meant). Currently in the midst of brainstorming chemistry and crying internally. Because damn equations. Fun fact: I appreciate math & science, but I've been messing them up ever since I don't know when. Of course, academically based. I suck, I suck...or maybe not. Wellies. /shook heads/ Life of Sta being yet another teen student, studying for hell loads of things.

Gahahaha why am I writing out of the blues aye? Partially because I need that 'break-free' moment from everything school related. Or simply cannot spare to accept the fact that my blog can go MIA one day..well... if...if aliens come and invade, take it, that is.  Such a dreamer someone is here. Too far-fetched, not linking to point. The inner-teacher side of me replied.

Naww.... this is just another piece of short update: some Caliciousy moment shared specially to the readers.

School has been tedious. Monday....Weekends....Monday again...Weekends. That's how I feel actually. And my daily thoughts at the moment (in school & at home)?

"I need my beauty sleep."

"When is this lesson going to end?"

"Exhausted."

"Need the loo..."

"Okay, flip tables! [influence word usage from that lady, except I ain't doing it literally]"

"What?? Test/Quiz??!!"

Ahahahaha! Truth to be told, I am actually typing these out with a "half brain blockage" because my mind is already signalling me to tug in to bed.

-
See y'all for next update!

13 THINGS TEENAGEHOOD DID TO US

Ah...finally a topic I can touch on with ease. Because hey...Sta Fey is a teenager after all! Right, that turned out lame. Gahahahaha!

Inspiration strikes, so here I am blogging about what has been on my mind lately. I've been thinking of how it is actually like being a student/teen these days; this generation, nature and technology. How we teenagers are commonly like. And the emotions and outlooks we frequently have. Of course, not all shoes fit so don't come at me saying things like "but that's not me". Chill buddy, this post is intended for general purpose only. Parts and parcel of being in the 13-18s. Empathy. ;)

1) The moment when we realized we have bad-hair, or breakout days. We wake up one morning, go to the loo, then see ourselves in the mirror. Suddenly, 'BOOM!" That 'funny hairdo'... and face that has blemishes. Instant mood level down, we say. Don't we ever feel like staying home instead of going out? Bless the self consciousness within us.


2) Comparisons. Yes, comparisons. We are often judged, or make judgement based on outer appearances constantly by pals, teachers, adults etc etc. Either in the head or verbally. First impressions do count, truthfully. Not everyone will give a damn on it, but aha! This is partly true yeah? Sad truth: Sometimes we take things too literally. As a result, get pretty insecure with ourselves --- which leads me to number 3.

Credits: here

3) At some point of time, we actually DO care about our behaviors, expressions, way we react to things and even movements. We want to hear what others have to say about us, or what their impressions are. We all want to hear good opinions/ praises. Maybe gain the applause and approval (well..). Not the opposite, definitely. We get obsess with portraying ourselves in a better way as much as we could.

Credits: here - Can also read the topic on how not to be so self-conscious.

4) In need of acceptance, and attention. Honestly, a part of us wants to be seen at least with a friend, especially in school, not allowing people to view the lonely side of us sometimes (not that it is bad, of course). We need that certain friend for emotional support. Or just by simply having his/her existence beside, we feel more relaxed, calm. Sometimes we yearn for advice, and reassurance from them. That particular feeling like "oh.... my friend, who is roughly the same age as me, understands me at least...".


5) Songs can be our best friends, whether at home or in school. Ever heard of a quote that said:

Credits: here

It is very relatable because our moods tend to go up and down, up and down.


6) Edgy, dark days with streak of rebellion. Some of us seldom get too overwhelmed with deep feelings. We might take life to a more extreme side. Foster thoughts like "I can hurt people"... "Life is unfair"..."People are naturally ---" yadda yadda. We get playful and experimental too. Getting a punishment once isn't too bad for us. Playful smirks. Style wise, we go for something edgier, or wear duller colors.
Side note: It happens, even to some "good" people around us. Still, we need that balance yo.


7) Slowly opening up to the real world. Like how it really works and all. We are no longer young kids anymore. Therefore, we start trying to look a little forward to becoming actual young adults. At least behaving like one.

Credits: here

8) Confuse ourselves. Lose ourselves along the way. Get drawn away by how others are. Tend to forget our values and beliefs, mess up and breakdown. As a result, have to redirect our routes, soul search and sort things out personally.
For this one particular thing, lemme tell you: WE ARE SIMILAR, hence, it is totally okay to feel those ways mentioned above. After all, we make mistakes and find difficulty in instant change. It takes time... but one crucial thing needed: acceptance and love for ourselves. Be gentle with ourselves, like how we comfort our good friends when they need us. (That's what I learned and willing to take in as a advice)


9) When we know we are growing and gaining more exposure and knowledge to the world, others are probably at the same level as us. Remember this... me, you, whoever is reading this. Kekekekeke! Have faith in others.


10) Earning some recognition through social networks. SPOT ON! Especially during this generation, where technology is more advanced. Some of us like getting noticed through name and face. That moment when we upload pictures on Instagram, and people we like/admire "favorite-d" our posts. Yay... Hahahahaha what! Or when we feel happy, and simply want to upload items that represent our contentment. Same goes for days when we feel down, and want to seek some consolation.


11) Behind every smiles/ laughter/ friendliness, hides a little awkwardness. When someone said something to us and we do not know what to add on with/ nothing much to say, we give that 'LOL' related words, add on with 'IKRs", "WHUT" or simply smile like "idiots", okay... cancel the word idiot if y'all dislike it.
Actions wise, putting heads down for a short while, fingers touching our own faces and some other tendencies. (I fell in to the 'other tendencies' part)

Credits: here

12) As much as we have happy days, we do occasionally breakdown, get emotional when facing issues and talking to people.
Understandable. This are our "changing period" years anyways, transitioning to adults slowly. Stress get to us. Lets fight this through! And become more sensible humans, shall we?


13) What we see in others, might unknowingly be a reflection of ourselves. Slightly scary truth. But yeah...

---

Teenage years, amazing yet terrifying. They will eventually leave an impact on us when we move on (assuming). Be it good or bad memories, we all will have something to learn nonetheless.

Everyone is living through this together so don't feel left out, lonely. ;D

If any one of y'all out there has something else to add on, feel free to mention it on the comment section below! Willing to hear your thoughts as well! 

Happy New Year 2015! + First Day Of School...

Went to Singapore's Sentosa a couple of days ago to show my grandmama around. It was a rather enjoyable and well-spent moment to end off 2014. YAY! ~( ^ o ^ )~

Initially, we were headed to the post office (because mom needs to mail something out) before proceeding on to the library and bookstore (slow me always purchase thing(s) slowly). >_< Mmmhmm... THEN  => Sentosa! We went back via bus to catch a glimpse of New Year/ Christmas lights at "Singaporeans-will-know-the-place" place. Now you see why it was so fruitful?? Not only did we get to enjoy the little gifts in life, we also got to bless grandmama through giving free tour-guide service around Singapore. Gahahaha. 

If you are pretty much a daily reader of CP, you will know Sta is in a hyped up mood now because SEE THE TYPING??! THE TYPING YA!!! Hopefully my current contentment is contagious enough for y'all to feel it. C'mon, *feels* --- SMILE because it's 2-0-1-5. That cheesiness though. 

Anyways, leave those bad memories behind you, rejoice and repair yourselves! Any New Year's Resolutions from y'all? 

Sta and her method of upcycling pictures. But um...here are my little goals. ;)

Featuring pictures I took while I was watching a short show at Sentosa.

The bird was replaced by a monkey the last time I went. (AGES ago kekeke)!

Hmm...

Pretty cool!

Ahh the color! <3

Pardon me if the pictures are rather slanted, I was sitting slightly to the right.


-

Okay pals... today was first day of school. I will not be making any back-to-school series this year because even if I do, it'll be so much similar to last year's.

If y'all are wondering how it went, I would describe it as alright... no.. awesome! Got to meet people I freaking miss, and saw many smiley faces . I know... some of y'all might be having the blues for school within. But it did went well eh? Cheers!

I remembered writing a journal on my first day of school last year as well. In comparison, I prefer 2015's.  But still, "talks, talks, TALKS!" /verge of bursting into a laughter/  We could be buddies if you get the joke. My failed mild sense of humor. /nod heads/

Take a step upwards

An overview: January-December ★

I thought of ending a year first before posting an overview. I divided overviews into two parts initially (actually last year). But now, I don't see the need to do that. I mean.. I feel less repetitive this way. Short and brief, but sweet.

If any of y'all are wondering, this was my last similar post.

School: 
Gahahaha! As much as I have had good times, hell can I forget my bad times too! It definitely wasn't a smooth-sailing journey.

School had been a huge roller-coaster ride with several twists and turns. There were huge waves enveloping every year three students; a wave of homework, studies and assigned leadership roles to play. So busy for all. Bet people from my batch will agree on that.

Personally, I wouldn't really call it an absolute "great" year for me. Yes...though this year zoomed pretty fast... I feel like I have experienced a lot. Legitimately expressing more of my inner emotions and thoughts out. Given a chance, I would still do that at certain moments because its good to be honest and frank, and not beating around the bush or whatsoever, right?  

I feel that many a time, I get easily drawn away by humans and their attitudes. Despite my attempts to try to stay me...I cannot simply resist hearing what the crowd has to say. But I am thankful...thankful for becoming stronger as an individual and not getting carried away by people eventually. I officially earned that thing on not caring what some people have to say. Hmph them and their ways of voicing out opinions /yawns/. They are free to do whatever they want.

Another thing that worried me was the fact that I took tests/exams in a less serious way. Another influence from somewhere, I assume? Loafed quite a bit. The result? Disappointment. One lesson learned: Keep that balance yo. Don't make it drop tremendously.

Moreover, I always had that feeling of not living up to expectations. Its silly. Now I get it. It is worry that keeps my happy mood down. Some expectations simply leads to disappointments time and time again.

After writing quite a number of 'cons' out, my mind was telling me to neutralize it with something good -- the 'pros'! 

Despite all the so-called "negativity" I faced, I do have certain good memories to remember... I was given lots of opportunity to open up this year.

First thing first, a number of leadership positions. One, choir. Two, a presentation for the whole school (almost). Three goes to all other group projects and minor things I have vague memories of. There are times I had to make certain decisions despite disagreements from others.

I made new friends and got closer with some of them... which is also a blessing because they make me feel myself, staying all comfortable and showing my crazy side.

Oh that reminded me... KT and I had fought through tough times together and grew from being little misses into young mature ladies hehehe. Thank you so much bestie for just being there for 3 years now (though both of us knew each other way way back then).  I wouldn't have to write 100 paragraphs long for her aye? Because that will make me sound super cheesy. Still... I love, and need her in my life. (Okay, now I sounded like one)

I appreciate all people that came in to play a part in my life... be it lessons learned, or simply enjoying the time spent... THANK YOU!!!

It will be a nonchalant school year next year for all I know.. mainly because it is my so-called "senior" year..

After Os, we will all be going our own ways.

Lets see how it goes!


Outside/Home:
I have had several breakdowns. But everything's alright at this current moment. Learned so much from remarkable quotes, and people during my dark days so... bonus!!

This was my first ever year taking part in events like "Anime Matsuri" or the just recent "AFA (Anime Festival Asia)". Very eye-opening because there were sooo... many people from all backgrounds and cultures, coming together for a certain interest or passion. Woah!

I felt like I am missing out something...

Oh yes! The Malaysia and Myanmar trips! They were magnificent, and all things beautiful. Those trips built me up as a person, opened me to new things I cannot experience in my hometown, Singapore. I got to take back something mentally at the end of the day, which was worth the whole journey.  Kudos to me!

Dammit... I cannot forget this point too!! I tried eating healthy ever since...March or somewhere there?? "Healthy" in the sense that I cut down on carbs and sugary/gassy drinks (or don't drink them at all); ate more veggies and fruits instead. Find something nutritious and health benefiting. It did work wonders, because I feel more energized, and happier in some ways. Gotta maintain it! I barely workout though. I want to try make more effort on it by going out each morning/night.

-
Overall, I learn many things about myself, life and people around me in 2014. This sentence sums up everything, don't you think?

How about your stories humans? 


PS. I've got two more upcoming posts for the month, so stay tune lovelies! 

CP

The learning process

FYI. This is life of a Singaporean student. Her way of thinking toward things.

As some of you might know, I actually took Art as a subject for Os. Reason being: first of all, I find that I could sharpen my drawing and thinking skills there. Moreover, I could express myself better. I could go to a class with more than two humanities, as being more of a language person. But I chose Art, mainly because I believe I could learn something new and special at the end. This role will help benefit me by being open to critics, and being able to accept some of them. That's my point of view, and beliefs though. I really love Art, it speaks so much. Till now, the road obviously isn't stable, there are bad and good times in the classroom, I can be slow at work...make mistakes but its the lessons learnt and improvement that counts, don't you think? And yes, I learnt that time management is also very crucial. There should be a balance between Art and other schoolwork. I won't give up so easily especially when I already derived at the current position I'm at. There are so many things to pick up, its fun! After all, why do I chose the subject in the first place if I'm not interested? Weehehehe!I thought this will be a good platform to dedicate more of my time to it.

Alright lovelies, enough of my sharing of school life as an Art student. Its good to speak out how you feel towards a particular thing aye. In a nutshell, I do not regret the subjects I took, no matter how hard they might seem sometimes. If any of the juniors reading this post, I advice y'all to choose your subject combinations wisely, its your opinions and interests that determines where you want to go and further enhance yourselves.

There is a long road in front of us, surely unpredictable. But I really hope that one day, we will see back our lives with smiles on our faces and say: "I tried my best! This satisfaction."

Btw, how am I progressing in Art class? SNEAK PEEKS!

Obviously some flaws but oh well. I will keep you updated on my interests so if you could be a really loving, engaging reader of mine..maybe...just maybe you can see through each update aha!

A lovely beginning

What have my current few weeks of school life have been? Pretty awesome, I have to say. There was a 3 days 2 nights camp so that explains why I have been inactive lately. The camp was such a blast! I bonded well with most of my classmates and they are nice and lovely people. Miss it real bad /sobs/.

Anyways, I've also been RANDOMLY sketching out things... they are not perfect I know. Just that sudden feeling to share my interest with all readers out there. Have a nice weekend!

Cycle repeats -> School tomorrow once again.

 Abstract much? Just a development from the circular shapes.

 Was feeling kinda emotional the other day...the girl shows it. (short hand, I know). A look-and-draw fast sketch of my scarecrow pencil that is on my desk hahaha. And a not well proportioned mannequin with a dress that was my birthday gift a few years back from a friend. Now you figure why I call them imperfect?

Blah...this...well...I actually felt stressed solving maths sums on a little seat, and by that I meant I was at the kids' corner in the library,  I looked around...saw a little colorful book that caught my attention, used a black pen and started copying the picture. (No coloring intended)

Ciao.

Back-to-school: the first day

OFFICIALLY BACK TO SCHOOL!

Honestly speaking, the first day was somewhat fine for me. It was just the fact that I got a warning from a teacher for talking with KT (speak for first impressions).

Other than that, I think it was a pretty short day because we were all dismissed approximately an hour earlier, which calls for a celebration hahaha! What took place today? Let me just say...

Talks. Talks. Talks!

Not funny I know. There were basically more than two talks taking place today, which can be such a bore to some. Anyways, I roughly got an overview of who will be sharing the same class as me for the years to come. The capacity is pretty small, I would say. Many went to other classes due to the various subjects their taking. It isn't much of an issue though, just that I need some time to get use to it. The advantage? Better to concentrate as there are going to be fewer people  = lesser distractions I hope.

Lastly, I would like to hereby announce that my "Back to school" series for this year is offically coming to an end nawww *cries* or maybe not. More like a "trilogy" eh... Or is that only used in book series? I don't know because there are three posts.

Anyway, I will update more on T&O, school life and other excitement so...

See ya!

Back-to-school: schedule planning/time management

Another important factor besides keeping and using my necessary school stationery and stuffs would be managing/planning my time well. I don't know about you, but ever since this year (2013), I started keeping a personal diary/planner (2-in-1). Basically, I write everyday just to reflect upon my experiences. And I would like to keep this habit. My love for writing I would say -winks-.

Bought my 2014 diary from Times, and the little stickers from Daiso. Purpose of the highlighters and stickers? Their to be highlighted/placed inside my book to help with the planning and what I have been up to. For example, If I were to have a test tomorrow, I would point out the important day and revise earlier so I would not panic at the last minute and ruin things. If I went out to shop ect., I would stick a car picture sticker and things related to it on the particular page (according to the date). These schedule planning stickers are pretty cute and useful to me I have to say! ;)

Of course peoples... My own New Year's resolution is written inside my diary. You could write yours too! Mind sharing your highlights? Muahaha the above two are the main ones which I will be focusing and improving on. I do have a few more which I do not intend to show many people.

As I am going to be extremely busy with projects and assignments, I guess having a diary/planner and keeping track of time is really significant. Hopefully, it will help me feel less stress and concentrate on what I am suppose to do each day. Lets be more organized!

Back-to-school: essential school stationery

I am back with a series! It is actually my first time doing a topic on back-to-school as seen mainly on Youtube. Many beauty-gurus upload this kind of video(s) annually. When they do, it makes me feel excited and look forward for school! The thing is that each semester/school year starts differently from country to country, some may start at August/September (after summer) or other months. In my country, we will start another year after New Year, January.  Interesting eh?

Anyway, without further ado, lets begin with what I purchased (stationery) over this period of time! Months ago, I did went for a school's supplies trip with KT to Popular.  So you betcha! Many things were undoubtedly bought from there, and minority from elsewhere like Daiso and other small stores.

There are three things I would specifically want to show you: The box, pencil case and beauty case. Side note: I do not have an absolute good quality camera as I am using my phone, so don't mind! I am still in the progress of saving $$. >_<

The box:

1. Staple bullets & Binder clips - you do not want to be in the situation whereby you run out of them and has trouble finding other sources to help keep the papers together, do you?  
2. Erasers - you make mistakes, you erase them only on papers, not outside... simple? That was totally random actually!
3. Mechanical pencil leads - Another thing as important as staple bullets.
4. Correction tapes/ wipe-outs - A neat work would be truly admired rather than a messy one with many cancellations, don't you think?
5. Glue sticks - There is always these part of lessons in school whereby a cut-and-paste activity is carried out by a teacher to do reflections, discussions and stuffs.  
6. Extra rulers & Pencils - In case! You never know when you can 'accidentally' break your current ruler/pencil, especially when tests/examinations are round the corner, this early preparation will help you by giving you a lower stress level and concentrate on your required work.
7. Paper fasteners (optional) - For those classes that require the use of thin plastic files, this might be for you!

Pencil case:

1. Whole puncture - I don't know about you, but my classes require a lot of independent filing on worksheets. A whole puncture will come handy anytime.
2. Glue stick and Correction tape/wipe-out - mentioned above!
3. Highlighter and ruler - Its important to highlight key words, especially during science and literature class for me, teehee. (A self reminder, once again). Ruler mentioned above!
4. Staple - To keep papers united!
5. Scissors - You definitely need it!
6. Eraser - mentioned above!
7. Some pens and pencils - I personally prefer using mechanical pencils to pencils.

Beauty case:

1. Mini comb - My hair will somehow get messy at any part of the day so currently, combs are essential for me. Just don't like seeing strands of hair flying about my head.
2. Mini\mirror - need to make sure everything is okay!
3. Lip-balm -  Lips tend to be dry and chapped, so keeping it moisturized is important.
4. Facial wipes & oil control films - We definitely sweat for certain reasons, carrying facial wipes about will just do the job on maintaining a clean face. On the other hand, although I do not have a oily skin... I still like to carry the oil control films with me to keep my face extra clean (somehow).
5. Deodorant (shh) - You need it girl! We often have this sweaty odor after carrying intensive sports during P.E. This will eventually keep out confidence level higher.

Alright loves, this is yet another so-called supplies haul video... the main things I often use. I would like to make more of these videos in future, hehehe!

Cya! x

An ending might be a beginning to something

An overview: June-December ★
Side note: This post can actually wait.. but I wanna post it earlier so here it goes...This is the continuation to my previous post here (if your haven't read)! It is basically like a journal/reflection to recap the whole year. Woah! 2013 sure do pass by reaaally fast! With a blink of an eye, another year is soon coming to an end... I would seriously miss this year a lot, mainly due to the fact that a number of things and people changed. Like what they say: nothing lasts forever. Anyways, I will do it accordingly from school to outside/home life (like my previous post, duh!!)

School:
It has been a great year! I could say I really get along with most of my class/school-mates. I am really thankful that they accepted me for who I am,  and never failed to make me smile each day. My class is labelled as 'noisy', 'rowdy' and all other adjectives you can think of besides making loud noises...but on a positive side, they can be emotional and caring to their peers. After all, that's what makes the class unique, right? We seldom quarrel, but at the end of the day... we still learn to accept things and people. That actually taught me one important value: to look onto the good side(s) of people rather than complaining\about their bad side(s). That is one big value, in my opinion. Many a time, we tend to misunderstand people just by their first appearance and first word(s) they said when in fact, they overlooked the strengths of that person.

Sadly, we are going to be separated mainly because of the subjects/course we take. Spending two years being classmates had been really awesome for me, yeah buddies! Now we are finally taking another step forward to become who we want to be in future. I'm allowed to take the subject combination I want, art is definitely in my list hehe... some of my classmates are still in my class so that adds the joy!

Another big event that took place in my life this year would be me participating in NDP (National Day Parade) together with some other schoolmates to celebrate Singapore's birthday. It was soo much of a lifetime experience to be actually part of the performance (in front of the local television screen and all)! Behind-the-scene: I had so much fun with my friends; we chatted away, joked, laughed and sung. Unforgettable indeed! The main friends who made me go "crazy" would be KT, Elle, Qilah, Bea, May, JH 2JWs, Cheryl and some others... thank you loves!

And of course... to end of school life this year with: I hereby want to thank all people for making my life fruitful, even during my "not-so-good" days. (Especially to my bestie KT!!!)

Outside/Home:
In terms of mentality, I feel like I have actually learned a whole lots of life values. But physically, I became a little bit lazier  (PE, maths ect.) which isn't good at all..oh Cal!

But but but... I am grateful for everything, really.

Gah.. no matter how many/much lemons (I have no idea whether "it" is countable) life gave me, I am still kicking now, right? Previously, it seems like I wrote that all's well this year. However, I have to admit.. it was not a perfect journey for me, for everyone I assume. Life is not perfect. Acceptance is the key. That is another thing I learned. I did have some internal and external conflicts along the way. Frankly speaking, these things were quite saddening and harsh. But still, the storms are over and I know there are more awaiting.ahead. Aha, bring it on!

This is mainly how I 'survive' this year. Another similar post will only be written next year kekeke.

Start of a new wave

An overview: January-May ★
Holy crap! (...that's definitely not a greeting from me, here's my actual one: hello mates!) It has been sooo long since I last touched Caliciousy Palette. Honestly, I don't even have the time to log into dad's laptop and surf the internet (okay besides logging in to do my online assignments and stuffs ect.). But... I definitely have no time to blog! Apologizing is too mainstream now don't you think? Regardless of how many times I say sorry, it will not bring back the past. Oh sheesh I shall stop 'egging' about it... hehe I learnt that word from my buddy, believe me, I don't know what that means till she mentioned it.

Looking towards the bright side, it's the JUNE HOLIDAYS! YAY BABY ITS SUMMER VACATION! No wait there ain't summer in this country. Whatever. Truth to be told, I haven't been resting 'exceptionally' well these days, probably still in my school mood.  I hate how I overtire myself sometimes, worrying a little too much about certain things. For some, holidays are days for them to take a longer rest. However for me, there are a plenty of homework to do. Alright I shall not complain. The main reason upon blogging now is that I want to roughly summarize the events and things I attended and did within this soon-going-to-be half of the year.

School:
It has been treating me pretty well although I find that there are actually more group projects, assignments and surprise quizzes compared to last year. Nonetheless, I greatly enjoyed the time spent with the teachers and friends. Along the whole process, I have made new friends, learnt new things & improved in some areas I'm weaker in which I call it a day to celebrate. Being happy with what you have, that's all the that matters at the end of the day, don't you think?

Anyway, some of the things I did in school is performing with my choir for some specific events like Chinese New Year and taking part in a major competition whereby all other schools in Singapore has to enter it. We did quite well. Three cheers to everyone! It has been a busy year for you guys I assume.

Adding on, there were a few annual events like cross country and sports' day (although there wasn't one last year due to some reasons). They took place a few months back which was kind of tiring yet exciting and fun. How are points attained? Well we follow this 'house system' in school, there is basically four houses (colors), what we have to do is to actually compete against each other at various events mentioned above and other games. At the end of the year, the house with the highest point will be the champion team. The benefits of having these houses is that whenever there is a competition, you can make new friends from different classes and levels. I took part in one of which and got to know more juniors! They are so adorable and friendly!

Outside/Home:
I find myself being more immature -smiles-. Just kidding! I've been caught up with books instead of going into the cyberspace (that explains why I'm seen lesser online), this calls for another celebration woohoo! X) I'm recently into dark fantasies, biographies and adventures. My friend has been introducing me a whole lot of books from the library and lending me her very own ones. Hey thank you lady!

In a nutshell, I've really enjoyed myself this five months. I will post more reviews, recommendations, life stories so stay tune lovelies!

I'm sorry, this seems like a loooong post!