Encircling dreams

"When was the last time you did something for the first time?" 
"If not now, then when?" 
"Do something your future self will thank you for now." 

Three significant quotations to consider; the guiding principles Sta seeks this year.
These past few months has been rather different for Sta. Her being unorthodox, unconventional and too unpredictable a person, she decided to hop around (again), to explore several new things.

Now one downside to having many interests is that Sta is prone to committing more errors. Her attention span on things are kind of  'all over the place'.

First of all, she tweaked her direction - her course of study. She made a swap from being a Management student, to a Technical one. Ya know... get a little more practical on topics that entice her.

On top of that, she joined her school's Dragon Boat. This was how she got introduced to the gym lifestyle in general. New human figures to learn from. Oh, and more about herself too! It was never smooth-sailing. Definitely not all rainbows and unicorns (hah). She was taught to be more discipline, and the most prominent thing would be for her to be a better team-player. Or so she tried.

Maybe Sta was a spoiled brat before. Now she compensates. Action speaks louder than words. She realized the overwhelming support she gets from her family members and friends throughout these years. All the privileges and luxuries she has/ has had here. Very honored by the way.

Count this a 'rites of passage'. A way to make her grow both mentally and physically.

Blue Red

Life lesson update episode unknown. ;P


Not being delusional when I say that.. But I am someone who stems towards the great human potential:

- In rare cases, OBEs (Out of Body Experiences) do exist, after all. Maybe your angels are somewhere out there, looking out for you. The angel can be an unseen force of nature. This is "to each their own". To contextualized it, some theories could be explained artistically, philosophically, religiously and scientifically. Depending on each varying predicament we are in, or had been. Do good, at least you won't feel bad about it.

- Hell can annoyance be interlinked with care and concern. If there is something I can strongly resonate with this year, it would be agreeing on the fact that love and hate are both feelings. Many a time, I could think ill and positive about some random dude out there. I may have released my inner woes by gossiping about that person, keyword: may have. But you know what? Within a few days I am fairly much well and chirpy again. This means I have no more issues with him/her. It was just that short period of time I felt unsatisfied with his/her attitude towards things. Such a blinking light bulb you are, Calista.

- Coincidences can be a rather beautiful thing. Take it this way, the universe does send people at the right time, for reasons undefined. They may be there to make an impact on you, or there to teach you lessons. The given time frame could be long or short, but that is completely okay. What's substantial is the process; how every action you take has a reaction. If it its meant to be, it will be. Avoid taking things too literally, it does not serve our mental health well.



*PS. This post is very Spirituality based. I'm not particularly diving into the science aspect of humanity (as you can see). I mean c'mon, y'all must've already read through your Biology and Chemistry books - knowing a thing or two about how the body work wonders.


To end off:

Figure Eighteen

Butterfly with its wings flapping wide open;
Flutters and sparks fly;
The knowing and reenactment with thyself;


I am finally eighteen. In layman terms, I am legitimately legal. It is my time to shine (I guess).

I have mixed feelings about that.

On one side, I am glad I could make decisions for myself. On another, I feel like there's a heavy responsibility weighing down against me. Is this how entering adulthood feels like? I mean yes, dealing with all kinds of people, paying the bills, learning new things each day.... but how about my mental capabilities - how much can I handle to be deemed as 'strong'?


I wish I could transcend both physically and spiritually.


Happy Belated Birthday to Sta Fey. 


The people who played a part on this day, you guys are appreciated. I love every single one of you! *Virtual Hugs*

Classmates who celebrated with me.
People who wished on social media platforms.
Family members who came down for dinner.


Blessed is Sta Fey. Even from the slightest details like physiological needs. Passing the magic around and about. X

Insomnia

I could whine about the weather; the set-up; my conflicting, backfiring plans; my doubts; worries and concerns. The list of excuses could go on for eternity (not literally). But you know what? This is an outlet where I try to sort and rewire my brain. Jot the relevant things down so I could organize and straighten myself out. Writing can be a form of therapy after all, my friends.

The game plan has changed. Not only am I growing up and realizing a lot of things, I kind of feel remotely stand-offish from my original values and priorities. What I meant from this statement is that I am ever-changing, forever evolving and re-equipping. Intuitively, I sense the big shift happening. It has started since 3 years ago.

They say everyone's timing vary, now I know what they meant. As much as I call myself an early bloomer, I would call myself a late bloomer too. Many things in life are just a build-up from one thing to another. Like the swirls and spirals you make while paddling on water, or just simply counting the number of thoughts we have within one minute - they come..go,. come back again..and go.

I am a fucking little girl, entering adulthood. One of those 'spoiled' child you see, being thrown into a vast world.  Somehow I have to wake up from this dream of indulging in luxuries and privileges. As much as my ego cannot accept that (and is hushing me to stop conveying words and expressions), I want to show that raw part of human nature, such vulnerabilities.

A shameless selfie to top it all off.

See you, I am currently an irregular on this site.

Pass the love around: Summation of 2016

"I am blogging (yet again) when I should be studying.

Just recently, the whole 'terror thing' happened. Whenever such news struck, we feel pity, sorry, anger and even disgust for the unrest and loss of lives. There is devastation everywhere, which makes me ponder...

There is always somebody out there destroying something.

There is always someone who's bound to go against and beyond authorities.

There is always someone that's going to tweak things. Flip logic. Play dirty.

Someone unsatisfied, not happy with the current times. 

Something is created, and then being torn down.

Something so unexpected can happen.

And the vicious cycle repeats itself."

________

The words above were written by me ages ago (as if), when certain places in the world were raided. Not going in-depth into the these locations, y'all are free to guess. Hint: I wrote it somewhere earlier last year (2016). 

I know this cyberspace has been neglected lately. This ever so "opinionated", sometimes subjective, both factual and non-factual site. After all, what's the purpose of a personal page right? I get to immerse myself into literally anything! Heh. 

How's it out there in reality, you asked. 

It would be a complete lie if I said nothing was going on. I can barely manage my own time at hand - in school and at home. Some of my classmates are way better at handling tasks and people. I admit I am still learning from them. They never fail to entice me. Their POVs and mine, wow Sta... great soft skills going on there.. /since when did I find such trivial statements like this humorous/. 



I came back now only because:

- It is the long holidays! I am done with my Freshman year in Polytechnic. Lots of things took place. 2016 was by far the most thrilling and eye-opening year. I have had my fair share of ups and downs. Talk about daily energy and interactions, my tank is pretty much drained.

-  This space has mostly been on my mind. After all, I started doing this thing since childhood, more precisely at age ten. No doubt I missed posting here frequently.

- I have not had much motivation and drive earlier. Decreasing my hours of sleep and getting tired easily due to commitments. I am sure many of you out there (whichever age categories you guys fall under), can relate to this. You procrastinate, your productivity level dwindles. A new bad habit forms.

- Me failing two modules at the start of Semester 2 was very alarming. I only managed to make a comeback at the end of this year. Ditch having to re-module, ditch that. I have proved that there is so much room for improvement, earthlings!  /Proud Calista tapping herself on the shoulder/

MAIN HIGHLIGHTS

What I focused on mainly for the past year, was to give myself as much exposure as possible. That was when I took 'stepping out of one's own comfort zone' at play.

From taking part in school camps, orientation programs to trying out some Interest Groups. I came to the school, not knowing anyone from my course. It took me some while to adjust to a completely new surrounding.

I have probably embarrassed myself several times along the journey. But you know what? These are the moments I will look back upon and laugh. I figured what my incapability is, and yet at the same time, recognized how strong-willed I am.

And here's me chilling after all the upturn of events. Ps. Sandy shoes 

In retrospect to my earlier post here on "Differing Plans", I have long needed to update my progress - I signed off from my A'capella Interest Group. That happened before Semester 2 commenced. One reason was because of time constraint. I realized I overestimated myself in that aspect. With that being said, I am not going to explain myself further. I have already wrote what I needed to in a separate email to the in-charges.. Friends, you can approach me personally!

Have to admit, still... that I have no regrets joining it in the first place. If anything, I did enjoy myself. Got to takeaway what A'capella is, then enforcing camaraderie within the assigned group itself.

Urbanites started off shaky, each individual having a slightly different temperament and taste in music. It took us some while to coordinate and blend. With the help and effort from our supervisors, seniors and fellow IG mates. Kind of felt the family energy lying about.

Rish & I as the full version of Hazy and Ezyan's "friend zone" sign. Eheh! All picture credits goes to our senior Naddy. 

Here's to the classmates I have embarked my first year in Poly with. You guys are a pretty rowdy bunch! Haha! I have said what I needed on other social media platforms.

Here's to my family and friends (both in and out of school) for the immerse love, care and support. I may not be the best, but thank you for tolerating the nonsensical thyself.

Here's also to people whom I talked with very seldom now, thank you for the memories. We may not have the opportunity to forge deeper bonds, but at least we connected.

Here's to people who may have picked out the flaws in me, I know I have them. At some point I may seem distant and fake to you, and I am not going to put that in denial. Instead, I accept them solely as they are. Please hear my apologies. Also, I hope yaw are having fun.

Lastly, here's to all for making me learn and grow. I guess I am getting out little by little from my princess tendencies.

Cheers and all the best to a new year (erm technically a 'new SCHOOL year').

Girl whom I missed

She's just a sweet innocent girl

No 

to think that she's growing up

Retrieving lots of information

and movements from her 

surroundings

Oh what a great sight

passionate indigo blue

the remarkable child

Empathetic one

smile as radiant

fresh genuine and smooth

Like a baby

whom outshines that

of another living being

Sort of

always looking out

always concerned

To her friends 

this girl 

is absolutely special 

So distinctive

I will remember her

always

Words I cannot fathom 

upon how grateful I am 

towards her

The wisdom she has

Immersed

and wise beyond age

Yet so pure

and vulnerable

indeed

She is a blessing

an Angel 

gift from the universe

With her ever-so-warm

adorable and affectionate 

gestures with some clumsiness

Now I finally 

learned

understood

The power behind why

things happen for a reason

state beyond transcendence 

Maybe it is the cause and effect

or that every

action has a reaction

But this star

out of a billion others

had impacted me 

Equilibrium

Butterflies be pollinating the flower

oh-so-lovely!

With his strong figure

Smooth, fair skin

Delicate features

Double eye-lids

Relatively big eyes

Eurasian appearance

Such an exquisite piece of

well crafted creation from heavens!

On one hand

He deserves this mini fame

In school

Soft smiling eyes

Kind-heart with obedience

Traits certain people want 

That is

If those girlies know him 

Inside out and well

Just like what they said
Every action
Has a reaction

Thought good about himself;
And others;
He attracted goodness!

Not that I want it to be

My tears are always frozen
I can see the air I breathe
Got my fingers painting pictures
On the glass in front of me
Lay me by the frozen river
Where the boats have passed me by
All I need is to remember
How it was to feel alive - Aurora

Honestly, the more I think about something, the more unsure I get. And so it concludes, I shouldn't think too much. Worrying too much for the future doesn't help.

But its hard.

Thoughts are ever-flowing. Its not like I can be completely in control. Awakening and then sleeping back. The repetition.

I get weary. And at times stony. Its 'funny' when I have those monotonous, tedious days.

Fear that stops me from going on. Hence, the lack of ideas; artist's block.

I can think to the point that I stopped thinking.


Do you ever feel that way too?

Drifting

These pieces of memories
Together
Parts and parcel of life

When there's euphoria
Comes nostalgia

There's
End to the beginning
Beginning to the end

Thing's don't last
So do some people

Gone are the days
When there's a rendezvous
Great get-together

Time ticks
No use lamenting over it

Something
Once filled with vibrancy
Now turned into complete grey

A hole in the heart
Meant to be mended

We dreamed too much
The castles we built together
Came crashing down

Perhaps if
We can re-progress from here

Exquisite visions
High hopes
Slowly fading

Given in
Umpteen of times

Like a
Stretchable band
Stretched too much

Loses its elasticity
Enervated

Maybe
Things are meant to end
Discontinue

Though
It hurts so bad now

This girl
Still looks forward
To recovery

To more surprising
Days to come

--------

Thank you to people who played a vital role in the past few years of my life. To those who stayed or left, thank you. We created unforgettable memories; sweet and sour ones.  Years and years of coming together.. Now we're going on separate ways. Moving on from here...

To all my juniors.... (3/3)

School days don't last

Imagine sitting down in a classroom full of students. Imagine us wearing a school uniform. Imagine teachers (oh adults...those we want to become (and will eventually)) teaching and scolding us. Imagine feeling young and then old at times. One day, we'll look back at our lives and remember what we did, how we felt while we were younger.

Hello Sta's fellow youngsters...

Make the best out of your YOUTH. Because small (but fun and energetic) details during your young days conclude the whole picture. After all, it is part of your journey.

I know its hard to wake up early each day, just to attend classes. And hear lectures. The "endless" cycle repeats itself. Tedious. On a bright side, you can interact with people from different walks of life. Share moments with your favorite peers (and perhaps...teachers) too.

Let me give you some "big-sis (actually self proclaimed ahaha) advice": Set your mobile phone alarm to a desired ringtone. That way, you can wake up to your favorite music. Oh... and make sure the volume is not too low. Just moderately loud enough for you to hear.

Once you stepped out of your house... look forward to things that excite you. Seek inspiration. Observe your surroundings, they are ever changing. Look directly into the eyes of people (with a slight but not too dramatic smile). At least such things keep your flame burning.

-

365 and approximately a quarter days in a year. At least one third of which are taken up by off-days (as in weekends, public and school holidays). Maybe you have to go back to school even on those days. But c'mon! Be a conqueror, you are already a strong person. Keep it going. You are getting there.

After all, no matter how many complaints you have for it, school can be quite enriching. Nobody can possibly stay home for 24/7 each day, every day. That will not only be detrimental for both physical and mental health, but also prevent you from conversing face-to-face with others.

What makes you so sure you are going to stay focused at home for long? You need to get out there and explore! Some things are better off doing on the spot. With guidance. Getting Practical. Right.

You will only miss school once you're out of it. Seriously.



Everybody wants to get recognized. Recognize yourself first. 

People want to get recognized for their efforts. Either way, we all seek attention sometimes. We want to get understood. We want affection. Maybe its our ego, or our second nature.

Obviously, adolescence isn't just a replacing word for teenage years. It defines the transitional period of being a child to becoming an adult. Puberty. A time where great confusion comes. A time where we want to take drastic actions on creating our identities.

One main advice big sister (I meant myself :p) would like to give you is: listen to your soul; your mind and heart. Be your greatest version - Ralph Smart (favorite spiritual person). Feel good for yourself, not for others. When I say that, I don't mean it to be in an arrogant way. Of course you can be humble towards others, and yet love yourself at the same time.

Not EVERYONE will understand you and your good intentions. Some may even make you feel shitty. But that's their problem, not yours. Focus on things that matter instead.

We all deal with our own internal conflicts. We all have personal problems. We can be quite emotional at times. We use logic to seek truth. And sometimes, creativity. Completely normal, I would say.



We are learning from one another. Learning is lifelong.

I think nobody is dumb at all. In this world. On planet Earth. We grow from our surroundings, the people who taught us and of course..out of our own curiosity.

//COPIED// "The American poet, Walt Whitman, once wrote, “I am large, I contain multitudes.”We have hundreds of layers. These layers shift and blend. They form new permutations every day.We like this and we don’t like that. We are good at this and we are bad at that. We’ve been here and not there. We know this and we don’t know that. For this reason, and this reason alone, we can’t give up. The complexity of our character means there will never be another us. Ever. That’s incredibly precious.
What are we going to create from us?" Source: here

That's a really strong description. Don't y'all think? Thought-provoking too.

We all do things with varying paces and rhythm. Maybe we might not be as good as others in some areas, but we definitely can take in a thing or two from them! Have faith in yourself. Put yourself to get taught first, before teaching others. 

The things you know might not be known to others... Similarly, what others know might not be known to you. Each day we are communicating and exchanging information. We are sort of reminding each other about life in general. Well, minus your own state of solitary (in all spiritual means). That is different.

One more thing....Grades (even IQ scores), do not validate your intelligence level my friend. Given the circumstances of where you work and how much effort you put into it, your results may vary. Whatever it is, just try your best. I'm sure that's what your teachers will tell you as well!



Awareness to/of your being. 

Oh... here's a random note I typed out on my phone a couple of weeks ago:

One day I got tired. Tired of being frequently angry towards my love-ones. Without finding out the root to the problem. 

And hence....

What triggered me to be moody (the possibilities), A Sta Fey guide:

The weather, the temperature, my outfit, my thought on what others think of me (lovely, cute brain indeed). And needless to say, my lack of confidence. Surprisingly, days like this usually fall before my period aka the time of the month. See? Like what I said earlier...chemical imbalances. *laughing*

To put it bluntly, being aware means accepting people for people, things for things. You are conscious of your thoughts. You are being mindful.

Be in the present, be in tune. Try to nurture yourself before handling anything else.


*TO END OFF - before this post gets tremendously long....


You are in power to choose what energy you want to have around.

Pretty self-explanatory on this one, yeah?


Have a brilliant day souls! :'D

To all my juniors.... (2/3)

Seeking comfort in darkness/ external influences
We tend to see lots of content online. Be it Tumblr, Pinterest or any webpage. Opinions are stated (just like my blog, for instance...you don't need to agree with everything I say). We tend to get drawn away by how others are feeling. Their sadness, anger and hurt may become ours.

Not making any sense to you guys?

Basically, we fall prey to our emotions. There are lots of things going on outside. Sometimes, we see and hear too much. From news. From rumors. From little conversations and rants. We store those information to....yeah you guessed it....the brain!

Sure. Those hurt, constant unrest and fear are going about in the world. What can we do about it?

Sending prayers to all humans out there... why not? But what else can we do?

Worrying or feeling sympathetic for long doesn't make anything better.

Put everything away and hear our inner voices - the conscience. Nature can be our best friend. Instead of distracting ourselves with what we cannot change, why not take this time to reflect on the brighter side of things? What we can do with ourselves instead. After all, what can we do about others when we can't even control our existence well?

Bullying/ Gossiping

We might be culprits, victims and witnesses to it. Whichever the case, we all know that bullying is a form of showing weakness. Dragging someone down because of our own insecurities do not make us powerful. True power lies within those who are aware of themselves.

I think I have mentioned this before... I have experienced people talking about me, making false accusations everywhere. Yes, they do not make me feel good at all. I was a sensitive, kind of emotional, shy and quiet kid in school. I got weird stares from people... like " is she even okay?". Got to witness people telling their friends not to befriend me just because I looked different. I know those incidents happened quite some time ago (got so much better now...), but these little fragments of hurt do struck me at times. Making my self-esteem drain a little each time. I get secretly 'assumptious' when people whisper in front or behind me.

What I want to cover for this topic is that sure... people can speak whatever they want, be it true or untrue. They always talk about every single thing we do. They have words for everything, almost. But hey, both you and I are part of the crowd. We do have moments when we hurt someone before, even if it wasn't intentionally.

We all could have been what I mentioned - culprits, victims and witnesses of bullying. Even so, personally, I am trying to regain my own confidence and stay away from toxic conversations. You can too. 

I am sure bullying still happens during adulthood. In a more "advanced" way. Words/phrases like "backstabbing" and "having an agenda" exist for a reason. To keep your conscience or not...it is really up to you.

To all my juniors....(1/3)

( A personal post on becoming Sta Fey )

Honestly, this is also what I will tell my younger self. I know I am still erm... a youth but you get what I meant!

You are growing up. This journey can be tough. It can be long and mentally-draining. But you will get there. You will start figuring out who you are, start differentiating what is good and bad for you. You might hit rock bottom at some points, but that's okay because at the end of the day, you realized how strong you are to have overcome obstacles.

You will get a clearer view on how this world actually functions. Meet new faces, interact and then lose some friends, childhood friends. Parts and parcel of living.

Right now, I just want to share. I have this strong urge to write about my life as Calista F Mar. Things I experienced and felt along my Primary (7-12 y/o) and Secondary (13-16 y/o) journey. I am sure some of y'all will share something similar as me. Some might have it better, some might have it worse.

Personal Affairs
Choose your subject combination wisely. I don't know what your friends or parents or teachers tell you, but you are the one deciding for your future.

For my case, I chose what I feel passionate about. Subjects like Elective Literature and Art. Don't get me wrong, choosing those subjects never made my life easier. In fact, I have to spend more time on Art because of its loooong exams and preparations. But I never regretted my choice. I was ready under all circumstances. I remembered the day before submitting my subject combination, was nervous as hell. Months past, I felt more determined for Art than ever. After having conflicts with my teacher (I know she was concerned). after fighting my own inner-doubts, after crying over it during class. I think that is what passion is like? Sweat. Tears. Determination.

I honestly did have my bottom lows when it comes to upper secondary school life. Maybe twice as many as that of when I was younger. There was a point I nearly went to seek counselling myself but didn't. Funny thing, I actually called their hotline and talked to them. But didn't head down to the place they directed... I wanted to derive at a solution myself. A solution that will overcome my own obstacles.

There was a point I felt really deflated, depressed about everything. I thought I wasn't doing up to par. With me being a human, with me associating with all others. I was falling. Days like these were a complete daze. I felt the need to reconnect with myself. I was stuck. But I never wrote it online. I thought I will only express it when I am officially out of secondary school. Which I am right now.

Things mentioned above... I know I am not the only one, many of my schoolmates I saw, and heard....might also be coming to a phase whereby breakdowns can be quite frequent. We have more moody days. Hormonal changes? Maybe. Getting pressured from external influences? Entering adulthood? Maybe.

Earth is round, so are our daily routines, which is a cycle.
Yeah sure. I am bewildered by this realization. Emotions are energy in motion. Happiness, sadness, love, hate... they come and go, come and go. Just like how we breathe - exhale, inhale. 

The ever-flowing thoughts we have or have had. Sometimes we remember them, but other times? We forget them. Only to recall them later. And so forth.

I think thinking itself is really tiring (that is, if we do it excessively). We tend to build up those little concepts in our head. Running wild internally. I would rather take a nap than to build up irrelevant and "harmful" thoughts in my head.

To be continued...

The movie: Inside Out

"They said "stay nice, stay innocent" when you were younger. 
But for how long?
If time was that definite, what is there to worry about?
About its limitations, and not making the best out of it?
I doubt so."

We are getting older each day. It might not be visible at this exact moment, but we are.

About a month ago, I watched Inside Out and enjoyed it. It holds great values about growing up and all. I don't need to further elaborate, do I? Some of y'all might have watched it, got emotional and even moved to tears. For those who haven't, don't worry I ain't gonna 'spoil' y'all.

Picture source: here 

Basically, I like how each emotion is portrayed in a both good and bad way. Its like how glory and gore goes hand in hand (well thanks Lorde...). Characters like Sadness and the main girl in the movie are pretty well-rounded, in my opinion. The animation? Well, I would credit how real life characteristics from people were well explored. Pixar almost always amaze me. Overall take in from Inside Out would be: to accept that growing up and getting exposed to changes is all part of everyone's lives. It is okay to breakdown at times, it doesn't mean one's weak. It is also okay to have mixed feelings.

I mean come on...look at this image below as an example...

I saw it online and liked the concept. Source already stated gahahaha! But actually, that table reminds me of a Punnett Square I learned during Biology lessons in school. Except that it is not entirely a square but a rectangle. And it is not genetically linked. *Laughing at self*


Hmm...how about when you are meditating?

My guess: emotions might be quite translucent. Transparent even if you are really achieving enlightenment.

Just another short post.
Enjoy your week!

1 A.M. and help

"Oh, what can I do?
Nothing, my sparrow blue
Oh, what can I do?
Life is beautiful but you don't have a clue
Sun and ocean blue
Their magnificence, it don't make sense to you" -  Lana's "black beauty"

When you really think about it, the MAJOR thing that causes you to be upset are those endless thoughts running behind your head. 

Whatever you are thinking,  you are 99% right.  "What can I do? How can I help myself from feeling shitty?" Really, stop thinking. Meditate. Well,  research on what meditation is. It comes in slightly different forms.

Yes yes... you may say I don't understand. But look at where I've come. From being laughed and gossiped at when I was younger, getting disliked just because what...I seemed very quiet and show weird expressions...,  from having difficulty expressing myself, from feeling a million of feelings that were hard to overcome at that time...overthinking and losing hope etc etc. I am proud of myself now; I can sincerely say that. Its because of these difficult situations that made me stronger as a person. We all have it rough. But then again, there are people who had it worse. But they still managed to get out of it. You can too. That is, if you let those negative bars placed inside your mind set free. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Not in a complacent way of course.

Take a nap. Sleep well. Eat healthy. Love your body. What you eat is what makes you.  You are putting nutrients inside your body for functional purposes. To carry on till death naturally sets you away from this life.

Good day y'all.

Don't worry, be joyful

Hey souls!

If you are worrying now,
Think about all obstacles you have gone through. How far you have come. How "this too shall pass".  Sometimes you just need to slow down a bit. De-clutter. Appreciate your body. Despite all the pressure going on around, you know you are trying. Therefore, do not let other feelings' ruin your inner peace. They are them, you are you. There's no point fretting over things unless you attempt to find a solution and act on it. You already have enough things on your plate. The plans.  Go work on them step by step after taking the short break. Put doubts aside and just do what you have to do each day. Don't give yourself EXTRA burden, okay? How can a body carry such a hell lot of workload, my days... PLEASE take care of your health too. It comes first.

If you are feeling exceptionally down for whatever reason, 
You do know that your smile and laughter are valuable/ precious right? I want to see them again.  I really do.  Why? Because I like seeing people smile genuinely, not caring about anything, putting insecurities aside. Call me selfish or stubborn, I choose to not let words get the hang out of me anymore. If you have to be tired of anything: its the words and actions from certain others that tear you down. What's the best comeback then? Have faith in yourself, love you for you. Accept that you make mistakes. Yes. But most importantly, pick yourself up once again and be a better,  stronger version of yourself.  Like a kid,  you are allowed to be genuinely happy and carefree. Why don't you give yourself your own permission to do so right now? You are allowed to feel sad,  but please get your feet back up,  with head held high and say "aha! I beat that." You are not weak. In fact,  you are beyond infinite. A possibility.

Have a good Sunday everyone!

Bah bah bah!
The battle goes on...

Sta