My apologies?

Picture source: here

If there is something I would like to apologize about, it will not just be a thing, in fact, it'll be more than that.

Get it?

Okay, so this is a random post I came out with... Bear with me because there will be several repetitive words. 

I, Sta Fey M, sincerely apologize for...

- Not living up to certain expectations. 

- Being cold to people (eg. Happened to have ignored them somehow...).

- Looking sad or even angry when in actual fact, I'm just tired of smiling (not literally, but those cheek cells hurt), I have a natural serious looking face).

I apologize for...

- Being not "feminine" enough, as in doing what stereotypically -girls- like to do from a certain aspect.

- Staying "weird". 

- Not liking what others like.

- Staying too quiet, or being too talkative sometimes. 

- Not being clear. 

I also apologize for...

-Showing my emotional side.

-Not being the best. 

-Maybe teasing people, especially during my primary school days {yeah mistakes, I'll more about this on a separate post}. 

Lastly, I apologize for...

-Not satisfying how YOU want me to act, what you want me to do. 

Now all these sounded really out of the blues and unnecessary eh? Some of y'all might have already been like "Oh you're so funny, why so apologetic? You don't even have to start on it." 

Those 'apologies' are how I feel sometimes, the thing about both me and maybe some others is that: we get too carried away by perfecting ourselves, or what others feel about us. 

"Am I living up to standards" I often ask myself. You see .. Ironically, I might be labelled as someone who doesn't care what people think about me. But in fact, this soul, or more precisely, this ego has to poke in for clarification sometimes. How so? Aha I HAVE FEELINGS DUH, I DO CARE. That's my honest response. Welcome...

I envy those that can control their emotions well. Those who keep things simple and know themselves best. Its not that I'm negative whatsoever, its just... hmm... I get weary of things happening around me. I need my me-time. I NEED TO FIND THE BALANCE AGAIN!

I'm definitely flawed.

But...

I finally learned to accept it. To see the beauty and learn from old mistakes.
I believe that this is growing up process. The confusion, the loss and some self decision makings.

Hopefully, this complications will seize, and I will discover the new side of me someday.

"I'm making myself, carving out new opportunities and also, living however I want my life to be. I am in charge of whatever situation I am in. "

Short post featuring,
the ups and downs of Life from a teenager.